Beyond My Circle of Concern

Yeah, I know it sounds like something from Jerry Seinfeld, but it is actually a gesture that my wife and I have been using for quite some time, and I know of others who use it as well (we didn't actually invent the gesture on our own... it was mainly invented by my close friend Chris, but we were the ones who really brought it into everyday use.

So first, the motions. Take your preferred hand and place it to your side, flat and pointing up, as if to represent a wall.



Sweep the hand around in front of you, as if drawing the wall around you.



Continue sweeping your hand until you are completely surrounded by the imaginary wall.



This imaginary wall drawn by your hand around you signifies the boundary between whatever you are actually interested in and concerned with (inside the boundary) and whatever the person you are interacting with is talking to you about (outside the boundary). In other words, with this gesture you are telling the person you are interacting with that they have just stepped outside of your circle of concern. It is a non judgmental way of telling someone you are no longer interested in the direction or subject of the conversation.

For me, for instance, when talking to friends about games and the conversation moves into sports, my hand goes up to show that my circle of concern does not extend into or intersect with theirs in this subject matter. It does not judge them for liking or wanting to talk about sports, just says, "hey, I'm going to have to sit this one out."

There are some subtleties. For instance when someone starts talking about the details of their last bowel movement, and the TMI* index goes into the stratosphere, an extremely wide sweep of the arm gestures a much further distance to the center of the circle of concern, that the speaker way out in the frontiers and nowhere close to intersecting your interests in this conversation.

Also, if a conversation gets too heady, too intellectual, a sweep closer to the head can show that the conversation has become too tight, and that broadening out a little might ease the pressure on the borders of your circle of concern.

This visual example could be even more extreme, but you get the idea. Placement over the body and distance from the body of the gesture give subtle cues as to how to rectify this breach of the circle of concern. These subtle cues can help direct conversation quickly and efficiently into places that are once again comfortable for both conversational partners.

I tried to think of a sexual example, as it would definitely be gesturable to cross the hand across one's pelvis, denoting a breach of the circle of sexual concern, but I haven't figured it out yet. Perhaps if your housemate starts in on the wonders of being furry, it might come in handy that way. Thoughts on other uses are welcome in the comments. Mostly, though, I'd like to see others begin using this gesture, as it is extremely handy on a surprisingly frequent schedule. So go out there and have fun!


*Too Much Information