The Fresno Tourist Board by Hey Man Jackson
November 19th, 2007 10:23 PM
Background and preliminary research:
What is it about those alien robotic pay-toilets around San Francisco that makes me feel so bewildered?
They're at once familiar, yet confusing. Yes it's a toilet, but it's been translated out of its original context and then reinserted back into the landscape.I think it's kind of like Engrish . When examining Engrish, I can understand the words alright, but they've taken quite a trip away from their original meaning, and been assembled back into something both understandable and perplexing.
But as for these public facilities, in a moment of desperation in the late Summer of 1996, I think I used one, but I can't remember much about the experience, which is strange, since it's not often (almost never) that I find myself interacting with a giant robot toilet.
Did the reward for my 25 cent user fee also include a spritz from a memory erasing mist to ease the psychic trauma of relieving myself while sealed in an automated metal box in a very public place, hoping -- no, praying -- that the decreasing readout on the digial timer inside really means that door is not going to open before before it says it is? And when I press the exit button, will it open at all?
Yes, I think the JC Decaux public toilets are worth of the title of U.T.D. (Unattractive Tourist Destination).
As for a similar anagrams, are they capable of producing a U.T.I. (Urinary Tract Infection)? Perhaps not directly, but through inspiring someone to hold it in instead of step into the jaws of a turd munching metallic sculpture, perhaps indirectly, yes.
Some facts I learned
about the 'lets from the 'nets:
There are 25 of them in San Francisco.
The toilets are provided and maintained at the expense of a private company.
As a tourist destination, it would only cost you $6.25 to visit them all. Rather inexpensive when compared to the cost of visiting even one restroom at the average amusement park. And those aren't even automated.
But, that's a rather pointless fact, since even if you had a copious amount of liquid beverages, I do not think you could use them all in one day. You might be able to stop to comb your hair with the aid of the mirror inside, or just to wash your hands, though.
Preliminary research phase complete.
Compilation of information and distribution to target audience:
As the Robot Toilet Tourist Board, I figured
the most appropriate way to reach my target audience would be to write the brochure in Engrish.
That way, I could prepare the visitor for the disorientation they were about to face upon entering the portal of doom.I had planned to create a flier and either hand it out in the vicinity of a public robot toilet, or attach it to the outside of the structure. Upon arrival at the scene of 16th Street and Mission, I decided that in order for my fliers to have any chance at a lifespan that could include being obtained and read by a random person, I would post them inside the bot-let.
Again I will mention, up to this moment when I walked in, I hadn't used one of these devices for over 10 years. My discovery upon entering has reassured me that posting a brochure inside this affront to the senses may actually have the unplanned side effect of calming someone's nerves and preventing a panic attack.
Results of scouting mission to the unattractive destination, and presentation of brochure:
::please expand images for pictorial narrative::
Front cover of the tourist brochure.
Welcome Honored Guest (that's you, and you, and you!)
Inside the tourist brochure.
Engrish is representative of its cultural subtleties. Toilet is replaced by the sensibly softer, "convenience." And the emphasis on group over the individual (even within the context of solo endeavors, such as the elimination of one's waste products) is nicely summarized by "Let's Toilet." Anyone who has traveled in Japan may be familiar with that linguistic trope.
Back cover of the brochure.
Info at bottom: how to get free tokens, if you can't afford them. Even though I created the flier, I can't quite decide if the manga image in the center is attached to the text above or below. Such is Engrish, floating merrily through clouds of laughing life...
Arrival on the scene, 5:30 pm.
Looks innocent enough from the outside. Innocent for a bus shelter, or a newspaper sales kiosk. But it's a robotic pay toilet!
More innocent looking markings.
Nothing to see here, just a kiosk with a lighted map of the city. How helpful!
Paradise in pairs.
Child and dog. Host and guest. Giving and receiving. Toilet and palm tree.
The rules.
Of course, one might take that as their first clue that if your toilet comes with an attached rule sheet, and you have a choice, maybe you should look elsewhere for your business of relief. This list was duplicated below in a variety of translations into various languages. Engrish not included.
Preparing to enter the vault.
Helpful information. As I didn't have a token, I pulled a quarter from my pocket...
And inserted it into the appropriate slot.
And it came right back out. So I tried again. The second time, although the coin slid back out, the virtual doorman accepted my payment, and the door slid open. Perhaps they've set this one to be free in order to accommodate the large number of homeless people passing through the area on a regular basis. I applaud the gesture!
Stepping inside, door sliding closed behind me...
...and waiting for the lights to come on. Waiting. Waiting. Not happening. But the dim blue glow from above was just enough to look around and survey the scene, while posting my flier box.
Just in case you weren't worried yet.
They must have contacted the designers of the BART elevator system and asked how to create a proper 'orange alert' style facility. Do you think the operator at the other end of this alert system would be upset at someone reporting a shortage of toilet paper? Maybe that was listed in the rules out front. Too bad I didn't read them closely enough.
George Lucas would be proud.
Folks, this is a toilet. Yet it's got similar instrumentation as the Death Star. Or at least a 747.
Flier posted.
The sign on the door is for the Xanax crowd. They didn't want you to escape the feeling of anxiety, so while sitting on the toilet, your direct view leads to a sign reminding you that the door will automatically open after 20 minutes. Of course, that should be long enough for most people, but when was the last time you used a toilet bomb with a ticking fuse like that? Oh, and "do not forget your belongings" now includes the fliers I've posted to the right of the door, next to the Panic Lever.
Like the T.A.R.D.I.S. in there!
Room enough to hang my coat and walk around looking at all the features of the space.
The business end of the craft.
The bowl seems to be built into a retracting fitting that sucks back into the wall between users. Although I had little to no urge, I made sure to leave some urine in the bowl (not pictured), in order to have a complete experience of visiting the stress-shrine.
Automated Sink.
Or is that where Princess Leia will appear next, projected by R2D2's head?
I was doubtful.
But it performed as advertised. Minus the dryer. And I followed the instructions not to drink the water.
The mirror works.
Preparing to leave, hands dried on pants, jacket taken off of wall.
Last reminder.
I must admit I did search around for a flushing apparatus for a moment before finding this sign. Yet more anxiety and embarrassment for someone who had left more than urine in the bowl, wondering if the next user was going to rush in while the door was still open, and before the flush and rinse cycle commenced.
A completion from a parallel universe.
Found this photo on the 'nets. Restored my faith in the capacity for clever reworking of the bathroom hand dryer cabinet.
19 vote(s)
anna one
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JJason Recognition
5
Loki
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Meta tron
5
Flitworth
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susy derkins
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5
Charlie Fish
5
.thatskarobot
5
Tøm
5
Darkaardvark
5
Herbie Hatman
5
chaos shard
5
Mudlock
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elie
5
Ben Yamiin
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Keight Dee
5
Burn Unit
5
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(none yet)11 comment(s)
Let's vote!
This activated many portions of my humor cortex and I thank you.
This made me laugh out loud (or LOL as those crazy internet kids call it) several times and you know what, I reckon I'll still be laughing at this all day.
You rock, if I ever make it over to SF I'm so gonna visit one of these wonderous landmarks. wtg R.T.T.B.!
Or translated into Engrish, "Let's laugh!"
And it seems the R.T.T.B. is a success as well! (Re: Mink's pledge to visit when she comes to SF).
As for anyone in SF now, I'd love to know if the fliers are still available. If anyone is near 16th and Mission, and dares brave the maws of death-breath, please check it out!
I LOVE the idea of putting comedy leaflets into toilets. (Is there a task there d'you think?)
And, having recently visited Japan for the first time, I can vouch for your Engrish.
So Satisfying!
The old style dryer prank died years ago, with the advent of the pictorial instructions. Finally, the next generation of modification has begun!
Ye Old Style Pranking Way:
1. Press button
2. Rub hands under warm air
I would love to see these fliers in more of the bathrooms. So much so that I would be happy to put them there. You make more fliers, and I'll put them in the potties. Deal? I've never been in one of those things. Thanks for the virtual tour.
Mr Herbie Plan-Man-With-A-Hat:
The Fliers are the opiate of the Bot-Let using universe!
If you are still willing to act as distribu-tor,
Please message me to arrange a transfer of fliers.
executed excellently.... bart.p.a. is resurging...
The brochure is great, and your target a perfect choice.