10 + 25 points
Player Photograph by Joshua A. Norton
September 21st, 2008 12:00 AM
At the peremptory request of a large majority of the citizens of these United States, I, Joshua Norton, formerly of Algoa Bay, Cape of Good Hope, and now for the past nine years and ten months of San Francisco, California, declare and proclaim myself Emperor of these U.S., and in virtue of the authority thereby in me vested, do hereby order and direct the representatives of the different States of the Union to assemble in the Musical Hall of this city on the 1st day of February next, then and there to make such alterations in the existing laws of the Union as may ameliorate the evils under which the country is laboring, and thereby cause confidence to exist, both at home and abroad, in our stability and integrity.
I am the Emperor of the United States.
And the Protector of Mexico.
Philosophers ought to wipe tables.
Table wipers ought to make art.
Riding bikes is fun.
In this empire I decree that there ought be more use of utilitarian objects of utility. Namely, bicycles ought be used dutifully and with dignity in manners of eloquentism and forthrightedness.
Checks.
I will gladly pay your next year with an increase of five per cent or a rate of a nickel for every dollar whichever is higher and furthermore an increase of bonds to the estate of the empire whichever is highest.
Your Eminence has been missed round these parts in recent years. So happy to see your return. You look so stately on that velociped.
My son has a button I retrieved from a box hidden near Ocean Beach a couple years back which he just recently found and I just this weekend commented on... so funny you'd come back at the same time he found his button!