125 + 245 points
It's A Trap! by Eddie Arlette, ambitron indifornian, Joshua Kelly, Al gae, Jason, SNORLAX, mock piratey turtle, Sparky the Wonder Bird, Nicolery Hierophen, Rock Hard Phantom, Rubin Starset, Erik Ogan, Chachi, ananas, Willow Boomerson, Stefanator Boomeress, Paige Boomerton, Faux, mella hyperborea, avidd opolis, Britt ++, ezra goldman, Sara Johnsen, Jenny Hayes
August 2nd, 2006 11:16 AM
First and foremost, watch this TOP SECRET BATTLE VIDEO
Photos available on Flickr here and here.
Filmed by Jason Hackman and Amber Carson-Miller, masterfully edited by Jason Hackman
(please contact me if I've left you off the collaborator list)
DECLASSIFIED: OPERATIONAL PLANNING GENERAL JOSH
I had conceived of a picnic ambush a few weeks back, and I knew there was only one person who should be served with such a drenching, CAMERON SUEY. I sent my thoughts to THE MOLE, who had infiltrated TARGET’S soft heart some ten years previous, and has been waiting for the right time to strike ever since. She said it was a great plan, and later named the weekend as the best time for an attack. Knowing I had little time to raise an army, I spammed nearly the entire game.
Then, to lure my target into a false sense of security, I pretended to be away from the game for a while, changing my player picture and deferring on any talk of tasks for the week.
Wednesday I cased the original site of the ambush, on the banks of stow lake. There were excellent hiding positions, as well as space for picnickers. THE MOLE was informed, as well as the burgeoning volunteer army.
Saturday morning was spent wandering up and down Mission St. gathering cheap water balloons, crepe paper a military grade whistle and a bandanna.
While shopping I found a thought had been rattling around my head, something about a marathon on Sunday, I decided to research to see if the route would interfere with my plans. Son of a bitch. With little time, I raced over to the park on my Operational Command Bicycle. I located another meadow, close to the first one, and drew up a new set of battle plans.
I called THE MOLE and pretended to have a problem with my landlord (The Mole is wise in the ways of The Law) and told her of the new location, confirmed that she knew what I was talking about. And told her the signal for where to place TARGET would blue crepe paper and a red bandanna.
Sunday Morning arrived and I spent hours preparing. Charges were armed, some of which detonated in my sink, causing major soakage to The General’s pajamas. Pistols were loaded, rations were stocked, guacamole was made.
The army gathered at 1200, I was glad to see that COMMANDER MONKEY brought a Flag, and at 1230, I briefed the troops on our plan of attack.
Stealth Units were placed. SPECIALIST BRITT went into deep cover as some kind of rube named Duwane, and wore the Red Bandanna to signal THE MOLE. The Strike Team, those units more easily recognizable by TARGET were placed higher up on the hill.
Just as I was ready to call THE MOLE, TARGET called me of his own accord. I bumbled through small talk and then asked to speak to THE MOLE, I told her everything was ready.
Units were placed and I retired to my UNDISCLOSED LOCATION to communicate to the troops. COMMANDO UNIT JONES, who had been living in the park eating pidgeons for a week to prepare for this assignment, contacted me to telll me that ‘The Pig is in the Poke’ SPECIALIST BRITT confirmed this information. I signaled SPECIALIST JASON HACKMAN, to ready the camera, and SGT MONKEY to get ready, I told him ’20 seconds’
I was my intent to be able to approach TARGET and arm him with a token supply of balloons and a squirt gun, a battle is one thing, but an execution would not be gentlemanly. I wanted to hand him the cooler with the It’s a Trap message inside, and then blow the whistle signaling the attack. However, when I approached the target zone I saw COMMANDER MONKEY already leading the strike team down the hill, and the battle had begin in earnest. Soldiers I had not seen that day were attacking target and someone was smearing him with a pie. Miraculosly, THE MOLE stopped the rushing hordes and disarmed TARGET of all delicate electronic equipment. I was amble to arm the mole with his cache of weapons and got a water balloon in the face for my troubles. Then the artillery bombardment began. A surprise volunteer squad from the nearby Birthday Party also joined the melee.
Then there was a mutiny.
Then there was Anarchy, Hobbes’ War of The All against The All.
The there was a Picnic, some S&M business, a human knot and much celebration.
Special thanks to everyone who showed up to make this attack a success. If you’ve been left off the list please let me know.
Early Communications systems were mishandled and The General apologizes to Nicolette and Drinky Crow, who were left out in the cold.
DECLASSIFIED: REPORT OF ACTIVITY: THE MOLE
General Josh contacted me about the operation two weeks before. I agreed immediately, with one condition: that I have the opportunity to relieve the Target of his technologies before the soaking. But the time was not yet right; we waited.
I contacted the General a week later, to give him the time and location for the attack: Stowe Lake, Sunday, 13:00 hours. I awoke on that morning, pleased to see that the weather was cooperating. I had primed the Target by asking for a day "just for us" and enticing him with a picnic in the park with sandwiches from the Jewish deli. Complications arose when the Target wanted to eat lunch an hour and a half early, but I lingered over my lunch by the lake. The target took out his cell phone to call General Josh, who insisted on talking to me. I was assured that the location was set. All systems go.
Under the cover of completing Photo Competition 1, and blinding my Target with kisses, I gently steered the Target to the location. As we approached the location, I scanned tourists for any signs of SF0 mischief. Might that backpack be filled with squirt guns? Did that stranger just smile at me because I'm a hot chick, or because he's in on the mayhem? (That stranger was fellow SF0er, Eddie). On the edge of the location, I had to think of a way to get the target into the identified location, next to the picnicker in the red bandana. I told the Target I had to get a picture of the playground equipment. Target suggested that I take the picture from the edge of the target area. I told the Target that I wanted a crazy angle, and asked him to accompany me. After I took the picture, I turned to see no sign of General Josh. Stalling for time, I suggested that I take Target's portrait, perhaps near the strange looking picnicker in the red bandana and obvious fake mustache. Target insisted that I hand his shiny new digital camera back for the five second walk to the new location. Reluctantly, I acquiesced.
Target sees the obvious fake mustache, but is merely amused, and not suspicious. At this point, the lawn erupted in shouts, and I knew it had begun. I had succeeded in guiding the Target to the location on time, but had failed to secure his technologies. The first blue water balloon sailed through the air, exploding on impact. The Army was convinced to hold off the attack, while I plunged my hands into the Target's pockets to relieve him of his precious technologies. Technologies secured, I cleared the area to watch the soaking.
The hardest part: not being able to tell my best friend Cameron the cool thing we were going to do on Sunday.
DECLASSIFIED: REPORT FROM STEALTH UNIT 1
26 Jul 2006
2044 hours : Contacted by GENERAL JOSH about operation scheduled for Sunday. Accepted mission.
27 Jul 2006
2201 hours: Received intel on planned attack and satellite recon of target area.
29 Jul 2006
1501 hours: Update from Division. Target location will change due to external circumstances. Awaiting further orders.
1600 hours: Difficulty securing armaments for mission. Water balloons and squirt guns are difficult to find at depots. Depots only have heavy weaponry which is unsuited for this mission.
1750 hours: Finally locate improvised liquid explosive devices on fourth attempt. Sign requisition orders for quartermaster and return to base.
2005 hours: Updated intel briefing and satellite recon from Division. Attack is go.
30 Jul 2006
0900 hours: Prepare improvised liquid explosive devices. One device prematurely detonates, fortunately no one injured.
1030 hours: Convoy leaves Pennisula, proceed northward. Lighter-than-expected traffic. Local population less than expected.
1200 hours: Rendezvous with GENERAL JOSH. Wait for other units to arrive. Terrain looks excellent, however there's a concentration of civilians nearby, will have to be careful to avoid collateral damage.
1230 hours: GENERAL JOSH begins briefing. Quotes part of Shakespeare's "Saint Crispin's Day" speech to motivate the troops. Discover that TARGET will be given an opportunity to himself. That changes the odds. Some of us will fall. But given the overwhelming firepower at our disposal, victory is certain.
Because I'm not known to the TARGET, I'm assigned to accompany SPECIALIST BRITT in one of the two forward stealth teams and designated to be one of the spotters who will alert GENERAL JOSH when the target is within range. The main strike force is about 100 meters uphill, so the initial assault will be our responsibility.
1240 hours: The waiting begins. General Josh warns us it could be an hour or more.
1259 hours: Pre-battle jitters (and beers) take a toll on my bladder. I tell SPECIALIST BRITT not to start the war without me. I maneuver west to a nearby latrine.
1300 hours: TARGET and MOLE appear. Remarkably MOLE has brought TARGET to the ambush area precisely on time. I pass within touching distance of TARGET. Once I'm at a safe distance, I radio GENERAL JOSH, but frequency has been preempted by COMMANDO UNIT JONES. Satisfied that the General has been alerted. I work my way back to the stealth position for further pre-attack surveillance of TARGET.
1301 hours: TARGET and MOLE are dangerously close to civilians, but I assume MOLE will lead TARGET back to the kill-box before the attack commences.
I arrive back at my position when TARGET turns and begins heading in our direction. SPECIALIST BRITT's camouflage must have been inadequate.
1302 hours: A whistle blows -- the signal to attack. However GENERAL JOSH is nowhere to be seen and TARGET has not been allowed to arm himself. But the main strike force begins to move. When in doubt, attack; so I proceed toward target. Unfortunately, my ammo carrier jams. I run while trying to clear the jam, but by the time I'm able to fire, the first elements of main strike force have launched their first salvos.
1303 hours: MOLE calls for temporary cease-fire while she disarms TARGET of electronic equipment.
1304 hours: Attack resumes. Multiple hits on TARGET. Special custard-based munition scores direct hit.
1305 hours: Target thoroughly liquidated.
END REPORT - Pfc. Arlette
Excellent Photo By Erik Ogan
Photos available on Flickr here and here.
Filmed by Jason Hackman and Amber Carson-Miller, masterfully edited by Jason Hackman
(please contact me if I've left you off the collaborator list)
DECLASSIFIED: OPERATIONAL PLANNING GENERAL JOSH
I had conceived of a picnic ambush a few weeks back, and I knew there was only one person who should be served with such a drenching, CAMERON SUEY. I sent my thoughts to THE MOLE, who had infiltrated TARGET’S soft heart some ten years previous, and has been waiting for the right time to strike ever since. She said it was a great plan, and later named the weekend as the best time for an attack. Knowing I had little time to raise an army, I spammed nearly the entire game.
Then, to lure my target into a false sense of security, I pretended to be away from the game for a while, changing my player picture and deferring on any talk of tasks for the week.
Wednesday I cased the original site of the ambush, on the banks of stow lake. There were excellent hiding positions, as well as space for picnickers. THE MOLE was informed, as well as the burgeoning volunteer army.
Saturday morning was spent wandering up and down Mission St. gathering cheap water balloons, crepe paper a military grade whistle and a bandanna.
While shopping I found a thought had been rattling around my head, something about a marathon on Sunday, I decided to research to see if the route would interfere with my plans. Son of a bitch. With little time, I raced over to the park on my Operational Command Bicycle. I located another meadow, close to the first one, and drew up a new set of battle plans.
I called THE MOLE and pretended to have a problem with my landlord (The Mole is wise in the ways of The Law) and told her of the new location, confirmed that she knew what I was talking about. And told her the signal for where to place TARGET would blue crepe paper and a red bandanna.
Sunday Morning arrived and I spent hours preparing. Charges were armed, some of which detonated in my sink, causing major soakage to The General’s pajamas. Pistols were loaded, rations were stocked, guacamole was made.
The army gathered at 1200, I was glad to see that COMMANDER MONKEY brought a Flag, and at 1230, I briefed the troops on our plan of attack.
Stealth Units were placed. SPECIALIST BRITT went into deep cover as some kind of rube named Duwane, and wore the Red Bandanna to signal THE MOLE. The Strike Team, those units more easily recognizable by TARGET were placed higher up on the hill.
Just as I was ready to call THE MOLE, TARGET called me of his own accord. I bumbled through small talk and then asked to speak to THE MOLE, I told her everything was ready.
Units were placed and I retired to my UNDISCLOSED LOCATION to communicate to the troops. COMMANDO UNIT JONES, who had been living in the park eating pidgeons for a week to prepare for this assignment, contacted me to telll me that ‘The Pig is in the Poke’ SPECIALIST BRITT confirmed this information. I signaled SPECIALIST JASON HACKMAN, to ready the camera, and SGT MONKEY to get ready, I told him ’20 seconds’
I was my intent to be able to approach TARGET and arm him with a token supply of balloons and a squirt gun, a battle is one thing, but an execution would not be gentlemanly. I wanted to hand him the cooler with the It’s a Trap message inside, and then blow the whistle signaling the attack. However, when I approached the target zone I saw COMMANDER MONKEY already leading the strike team down the hill, and the battle had begin in earnest. Soldiers I had not seen that day were attacking target and someone was smearing him with a pie. Miraculosly, THE MOLE stopped the rushing hordes and disarmed TARGET of all delicate electronic equipment. I was amble to arm the mole with his cache of weapons and got a water balloon in the face for my troubles. Then the artillery bombardment began. A surprise volunteer squad from the nearby Birthday Party also joined the melee.
Then there was a mutiny.
Then there was Anarchy, Hobbes’ War of The All against The All.
The there was a Picnic, some S&M business, a human knot and much celebration.
Special thanks to everyone who showed up to make this attack a success. If you’ve been left off the list please let me know.
Early Communications systems were mishandled and The General apologizes to Nicolette and Drinky Crow, who were left out in the cold.
DECLASSIFIED: REPORT OF ACTIVITY: THE MOLE
General Josh contacted me about the operation two weeks before. I agreed immediately, with one condition: that I have the opportunity to relieve the Target of his technologies before the soaking. But the time was not yet right; we waited.
I contacted the General a week later, to give him the time and location for the attack: Stowe Lake, Sunday, 13:00 hours. I awoke on that morning, pleased to see that the weather was cooperating. I had primed the Target by asking for a day "just for us" and enticing him with a picnic in the park with sandwiches from the Jewish deli. Complications arose when the Target wanted to eat lunch an hour and a half early, but I lingered over my lunch by the lake. The target took out his cell phone to call General Josh, who insisted on talking to me. I was assured that the location was set. All systems go.
Under the cover of completing Photo Competition 1, and blinding my Target with kisses, I gently steered the Target to the location. As we approached the location, I scanned tourists for any signs of SF0 mischief. Might that backpack be filled with squirt guns? Did that stranger just smile at me because I'm a hot chick, or because he's in on the mayhem? (That stranger was fellow SF0er, Eddie). On the edge of the location, I had to think of a way to get the target into the identified location, next to the picnicker in the red bandana. I told the Target I had to get a picture of the playground equipment. Target suggested that I take the picture from the edge of the target area. I told the Target that I wanted a crazy angle, and asked him to accompany me. After I took the picture, I turned to see no sign of General Josh. Stalling for time, I suggested that I take Target's portrait, perhaps near the strange looking picnicker in the red bandana and obvious fake mustache. Target insisted that I hand his shiny new digital camera back for the five second walk to the new location. Reluctantly, I acquiesced.
Target sees the obvious fake mustache, but is merely amused, and not suspicious. At this point, the lawn erupted in shouts, and I knew it had begun. I had succeeded in guiding the Target to the location on time, but had failed to secure his technologies. The first blue water balloon sailed through the air, exploding on impact. The Army was convinced to hold off the attack, while I plunged my hands into the Target's pockets to relieve him of his precious technologies. Technologies secured, I cleared the area to watch the soaking.
The hardest part: not being able to tell my best friend Cameron the cool thing we were going to do on Sunday.
DECLASSIFIED: REPORT FROM STEALTH UNIT 1
26 Jul 2006
2044 hours : Contacted by GENERAL JOSH about operation scheduled for Sunday. Accepted mission.
27 Jul 2006
2201 hours: Received intel on planned attack and satellite recon of target area.
29 Jul 2006
1501 hours: Update from Division. Target location will change due to external circumstances. Awaiting further orders.
1600 hours: Difficulty securing armaments for mission. Water balloons and squirt guns are difficult to find at depots. Depots only have heavy weaponry which is unsuited for this mission.
1750 hours: Finally locate improvised liquid explosive devices on fourth attempt. Sign requisition orders for quartermaster and return to base.
2005 hours: Updated intel briefing and satellite recon from Division. Attack is go.
30 Jul 2006
0900 hours: Prepare improvised liquid explosive devices. One device prematurely detonates, fortunately no one injured.
1030 hours: Convoy leaves Pennisula, proceed northward. Lighter-than-expected traffic. Local population less than expected.
1200 hours: Rendezvous with GENERAL JOSH. Wait for other units to arrive. Terrain looks excellent, however there's a concentration of civilians nearby, will have to be careful to avoid collateral damage.
1230 hours: GENERAL JOSH begins briefing. Quotes part of Shakespeare's "Saint Crispin's Day" speech to motivate the troops. Discover that TARGET will be given an opportunity to himself. That changes the odds. Some of us will fall. But given the overwhelming firepower at our disposal, victory is certain.
Because I'm not known to the TARGET, I'm assigned to accompany SPECIALIST BRITT in one of the two forward stealth teams and designated to be one of the spotters who will alert GENERAL JOSH when the target is within range. The main strike force is about 100 meters uphill, so the initial assault will be our responsibility.
1240 hours: The waiting begins. General Josh warns us it could be an hour or more.
1259 hours: Pre-battle jitters (and beers) take a toll on my bladder. I tell SPECIALIST BRITT not to start the war without me. I maneuver west to a nearby latrine.
1300 hours: TARGET and MOLE appear. Remarkably MOLE has brought TARGET to the ambush area precisely on time. I pass within touching distance of TARGET. Once I'm at a safe distance, I radio GENERAL JOSH, but frequency has been preempted by COMMANDO UNIT JONES. Satisfied that the General has been alerted. I work my way back to the stealth position for further pre-attack surveillance of TARGET.
1301 hours: TARGET and MOLE are dangerously close to civilians, but I assume MOLE will lead TARGET back to the kill-box before the attack commences.
I arrive back at my position when TARGET turns and begins heading in our direction. SPECIALIST BRITT's camouflage must have been inadequate.
1302 hours: A whistle blows -- the signal to attack. However GENERAL JOSH is nowhere to be seen and TARGET has not been allowed to arm himself. But the main strike force begins to move. When in doubt, attack; so I proceed toward target. Unfortunately, my ammo carrier jams. I run while trying to clear the jam, but by the time I'm able to fire, the first elements of main strike force have launched their first salvos.
1303 hours: MOLE calls for temporary cease-fire while she disarms TARGET of electronic equipment.
1304 hours: Attack resumes. Multiple hits on TARGET. Special custard-based munition scores direct hit.
1305 hours: Target thoroughly liquidated.
END REPORT - Pfc. Arlette
Excellent Photo By Erik Ogan
17 vote(s)
21
Cameron
21Cunning Linguist
21Aaron
21Orion
21Gabriel Roland
21Gadget
21Uncle Pauly
21Joe mama
21anna one
21Shazbot [TKC]
5Leonid Brezjnev
5Blue
5YellowBear
5Bex.
5Lincøln
5Darkaardvark
5Tøm
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(none yet)16 comment(s)
posted by Cameron on August 2nd, 2006 11:31 AM
1) That was just about the greatest thing ever. Congratulations, Kudos, and Votes.
2) It was really awesome to meet to the motley lot of you. I'm sorry if I didn't get introduced to a bunch of you, the whole thing was very disorienting, and by the time I regained my senses, many of you had drifted away to Deathmarches unknown. Mea Culpa! We should meet again sometime.
3) Rubin got pie in my ear. It's a long story.
4) Welcome to Rubin's old slot, Prank. Be warned, he's fiesty!
posted by Aaron on August 2nd, 2006 11:42 AM
I love a good ownage. Well executed. Very well documented.
posted by Britt ++ on August 2nd, 2006 11:47 AM
Great work on the video! The slow motion pieing just as Carmina Burana climaxes is brilliant!
posted by Orion on August 2nd, 2006 11:48 AM
Awesome, I'm sorry I missed it...though I never clicked 'vote' on this page. Hmm...
posted by SNORLAX on August 2nd, 2006 12:07 PM
i especially like the part with Rubin and the Pie
posted by Rubin Starset on August 2nd, 2006 12:10 PM
3) Rubin got pie in my ear. It's a long story.
It started to melt as we were getting closer to the count down, there would have been 2 more pies but I undershot the fact that one can of whip cream means one pie.
4) Welcome to Rubin's old slot, Prank. Be warned, he's fiesty!
I give the mother fucker a ride to the DeathMarch and the ass hat takes my fucking spot, jerk. :)
The slow motion pieing just as Carmina Burana climaxes is brilliant!
I prance around like the Prince of Persia holding a pie. Wish I had speakers at work to hear what was going on.
posted by Joshua Kelly on August 2nd, 2006 1:59 PM
I realize now that when I was recruiting players I skipped a lot of people in EquivalenZ. This is probably because many of you had already accomplished the It's a Trap task.
When I fisrt conceived this plot I thought I would be lucky to get two or three other players to show up, and I couldn't imagine someone coming if they had already done the task. I had no clue that this would turn into a 20+ player extravaganza.
Sorry Evil Cyborgs, my bad
THE GENERAL
posted by Cunning Linguist on August 2nd, 2006 2:28 PM
Not sure if the video captures this (since I'm at work and can't view it)... but I nailed Cam right in the babymaker with a waterballoon. That's right... headshot.
posted by Jason on August 2nd, 2006 10:17 PM
something tells me that's not the first pie rubin delivered...
posted by Jenny Hayes on August 3rd, 2006 9:02 AM
Did somebody loose their sweater? I picked up someone's brown knit zip sweater after the tra[p, it has a little sf0 button on it. It's really cute so if nobody claims it it's going into my wardrobe.
posted by Sparky the Wonder Bird on August 3rd, 2006 4:03 PM
You know, I think that sweater is Pirateymonkey's. I remember commenting on her SF0 button.
posted by mock piratey turtle on August 3rd, 2006 4:35 PM
aye, tis mine. i removed to be more incognito (as it had a tell-tale sf0 button on it) then promptly left it behind aparently. Am i about to be Ransomed?
posted by Jenny Hayes on August 3rd, 2006 7:45 PM
Yes you are. HA!
As soon as i figure out what to make you do.
posted by Joshua Kelly on August 4th, 2006 5:21 PM
I just want to thank everyone who came out last Sunday, I had a great time and everyone blew away my expectaions of what we could do together. This has been the my best experience with SF0 to date and I hope for many more.
Josh
Masterfully done, good sir knight.