well. there's a funny thing about this task, and that is that i look at it all the time, thinking that it's the perfect task for me, but then i read it and realize it isn't.

the name implies that the task will be to send something amazing through the mail, and this is something i do on a weekly basis. you see, a few years ago, a good friend of mine casually mentioned to me that he thought the post office would likely go out of business in our lifetime. at first i couldn't believe what i had heard him say, but when i laughed (hoping that he would start laughing too, confirming that it was just some silly joke he was making rather than a sincere prophecy) he assured me that he was serious. he explained to me the reasons behind his hypothesis, and i was forced to admit it wasn't as crazy as it had at first sounded! i got scared!

and so being a great lover of the post, i decided that i would do everything in my power to keep the old usps going, and to that end i have attempted to send at least one package or letter through the post each and every week. and yes, my tack record is nearly perfect :)

now, in my philosophy, it's not worth putting something in the mail if it's not amazing, so you would think i'd have completed this task a thousand times over just since i joined sfzero...

but i haven't!

because the funny thing about this task is that it has a deceptive name. it commands that the tasker mail something not just amazing, but endlessly amusing. finding something amazing and endlessly amusing is a tall order as it is, but finding something amazing and endlessly amusing and tangible which can be placed in a parcel and sent through the post. well. that is a challenge an order of magnitude greater.

the really funny thing about this task, though, is that i have had the means to complete it sitting under my nose since my very first day in the ranks of sfzero, but never put it together. until two days ago.

it was xmas eve, and i was digging around in my flat files for some paper to wrap a special gift with. as i tore through the pile, i came upon something i hadn't seen in over a year:



yes, it may be hard to tell, but it is a hand embroidered image of garfield sliding down a rainbow in a cornflower blue frame. and it is beautiful. and by beautiful, i mean it is the ugliest thing i have ever purchased in my life. and by purchased, i mean thrown down 10 cents for at a thrift store in a tiny town in texas on an epic road trip in search of private press vinyl and brass candle stick holders.

why did i buy it? i had my reasons. well, one reason, really. and that reason was my friend steve olson, the very friend who advised me that the post office might not be long for this world. steve has been somewhat obsessed with garfield since i've known him. so much so that at parties, sometimes, for fun, he would take on a fake persona and tell people he was garfield creator jim davis's son. oddly, he would usually spend most of the conversations that resulted from this deception convincing his audience that jim davis was a huge asshole (i have no knowledge as of this writing if this depiction is accurate or not).

at any rate, both of us are big fans of art that arises from sincere but misplaced admiration for the mainstream, and so this homemade tribute to steve's most cherished, and at one time extremely popular, cartoon figure (i say most cherished for dramatic effect, though he is also quite keen on the wizard of id and family circus and i suspect a character from one of those strips might take top billing in his heart in reality) would be a perfect gift. so i bought it and i sent it to him. in the mail.

and boy was i excited. i just knew he was going to love it. i mean everyone loves to get packages in the mail anyway, but something so specific? so perfect? so expertly selected with only him in mind? it would be as good as a hot air balloon filled with giant colorful gemstones and ginger bread cookies veering off course and unexpectedly landing on my front lawn. it was going to be perfect!

for six weeks i waited to get a call or an e-mail (or heaven forbid a letter!) in response. but after this amount of time had passed, what did i find in my mailbox but my own package returned to me! i was flummoxed! i immediately began an investigation via phone.

steve: hello?
lb: steve! hey, how are you!? it's lb!
steve: oh heeey...guess what!?
lb: what?
steve: i got a note from the post office that said they tried to deliver a package from you a few times.
lb: yes.
steve: i think they may have returned it. i never got around to picking it up. sorry!
lb: (irritated silence)
steve: lb?
lb: i am not resending it. how long did you let it sit at the post office!?!
steve: um, 3 weeks? maybe? what was it???
lb: i'm not telling you and i'm not resending it. if you want to know, you can come to austin and claim it.

i should mention here that steve lives in brooklyn. he used to live in austin (where i lived at the time of this exchange), but was part of a mass exodus of all of my closest friends to the east coast circa 2004. i really wanted to resend the package, but i was irritated, and i also wanted him to come visit austin because i missed him, and somehow i thought holding this ridiculous present over his head would force him to spend a week hitting up swimming holes and drinking margaritas with me in the afternoon instead of doing whatever it was he was doing in that wasteland people call new york.

well, it didn't work. and what eventually happened is that this incredibly stupid garfield embroidery made it to the bottom of a stack of paper and prints and bookbinding supplies that got heaved in one big lump into a flat file that i transported across the country in my car when i moved from austin to oakland. i have not been stellar about unpacking things and so it lay dormant until the need for fancy paper sent me scrounging in its depths, and voila! the gag gift resurfaced.





i suppose it was something akin to xmas spirit that moved me to finally send this ridiculous thing on to it's intended recipient. i decided to sent it to his parents' house this time, as i knew he would be home for the holidays, and at the very least they would hold on to it for him rather than letting it rot at the post office if, by some awful chance, it should miss its target a second time.



anyway, i feel i have successfully completed this task now, and so i'm submitting it to the praxis. i really hope both you and steve like it!