People who look good on paper are usually not good in real life. Generalizations are often easy to disprove, but when they get reinforced they get uber huge.

I have to interview a lot of people in my job. I always feel weird doing this for a number of reasons, 1.) I rarely can tell if someone is awesome or not by an interview 2.) It sucks to not give someone a job who is desperate and 3.) It is mind-numbing to ask the same questions to people over and over and over again.

This week, though, I encountered the applicant who was so good on paper. I couldn't wait to interview him because I thought for sure he was perfect for the job.

He arrived 20 minutes early which was a great sign.

I walked into the front area to greet him and he stood up quickly, tripping over himself and nearly falling. It was a bit endearing as I credited it to nervousness. Then he said, "I think that floor is uneven." So I laughed because it was a ridiculous thing to say. He then said, "I'm serious. I have amazing balance."

I said, "Ok, we'll have the checked." I introduced myself and he corrected me in the pronunciation of my own name. I repeated my actual name and he said, "Huh, I have never heard a name like that before." He shook my hand with an iron grip so I immediately assumed he has a large truck that he drives around town announcing his manliness to all who can hear.

I brought him back for the interview and while we waited for my interviewing partner he said, "I think I overdressed." I asked, "Why would you think that?" He responded by looking at himself (a slightly wrinkled button up blue shirt tucked, definitely wrinkled tan slacks, and scuffed brown shoes) then looked at me (an orange checkered button up shirt untucked, tan slacks, black dress shoes) as though this said it all. I believe I scoffed here. Apparently tucked vs. untucked shirts equate to over vs. underdressed.

When my interviewing partner returned, we started the interview. He immediately asked if we could negotiate the start time since he has a hard time getting to work at 8am. Awesome. We indicated we couldn't and he rolled his eyes.

This brought us into the bulk of the questions in which he answered arrogantly, rolling his eyes twice more at a couple of questions. He laughed in a manner akin to Mr. Burns addressing Homer Simpson.

Then this question was posed to him: "What are your ideal qualities in a supervisor?"

His answer: "Well, friendly, but not my friend. I mean, nice, but not like my best friend or anything. I guess what I am trying to say is I won't slap him on the ass and tell him good game or anything."

We chose to continue on because that's the fair thing to do. He answered a question about cultural competency letting us know he goes to gay bars with his gay friends to announce he's not gay, but is married with kids. He says this is an example of his acceptance of others even though he is a "breeder" (actual word he used in the interview).

Then the interview ended. He let us know that he has never had any issue getting along with anyone and he anticipates the same for us. He asked when he could start, we ended on a vague note. I walked him out and was rewarded with an overzealous vice grip again. As he walked away he turned and asked one more time, just to be certain, "You sure I am not overdressed?"

No, dearest douche-bag of a man, you are fine. He ambled into his Hummer-like vehicle and drove homeward toward his wife, his kids, and his amazing wardrobe leaving me with a strong desire to shower.