15 + 8 points
Campaign Trail by Doctor Sardonicus
March 7th, 2012 12:03 PM
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Hello, faithful citizens. I'd like to take this opportunity to speak to you directly, if I may.
It has come to my attention that there are those of you who may not be voting for me during this upcoming election season. I humbly put to you that this is an extraordinarily bad idea. Why? Because I have the one thing that the other candidates don't: the antidote.
I run a platform dedicated to the issues that plague the common man: Where's my next paycheck coming from? Will I be able to afford rent on my apartment this month? Will I be able to get my hands on the antidote to the synthesized ricin-derivative designer poison in time?
But I'm here to put all those concerns to rest. A vote for me is a vote for two cars in every garage, and an antidote in every pot.
The road ahead will be bumpy, however. There are naysayers out there who claim that poisoning your constituents is a politically inadvisable move. But those same people don't realize just how much vote tampering and excessive gerrymandering this campaign runs on. They base their so-called "facts" on the grounds that the electorate needs to survive in order for you to win an election. I, however, believe differently.
There are some who call me a unstable extremist for this belief. I prefer the term "dangerous radical." After all, could an unstable extremist put together a five-point plan for the next ten years for replacing all voters and all other candidates with my patented SycophanTron brand robots, resulting in my appointment as the omnipotent god-despot of the entire planet? They could not. It takes a certain je ne sais quoi, a certain malus aforethought, to come up with a plan that brilliant.
This just goes to show that my opponents are all stupid, vile, incompetent excuses for human beings. After all, they voted for everything you hate. One time, they voted for something, and then voted differently at a later time. This shows that they cannot be trusted. Don't believe their lies; vote yes on Sard.
Doctor Sardonicus. A vote for me is a vote for life. Your own, in fact.
It has come to my attention that there are those of you who may not be voting for me during this upcoming election season. I humbly put to you that this is an extraordinarily bad idea. Why? Because I have the one thing that the other candidates don't: the antidote.
I run a platform dedicated to the issues that plague the common man: Where's my next paycheck coming from? Will I be able to afford rent on my apartment this month? Will I be able to get my hands on the antidote to the synthesized ricin-derivative designer poison in time?
But I'm here to put all those concerns to rest. A vote for me is a vote for two cars in every garage, and an antidote in every pot.
The road ahead will be bumpy, however. There are naysayers out there who claim that poisoning your constituents is a politically inadvisable move. But those same people don't realize just how much vote tampering and excessive gerrymandering this campaign runs on. They base their so-called "facts" on the grounds that the electorate needs to survive in order for you to win an election. I, however, believe differently.
There are some who call me a unstable extremist for this belief. I prefer the term "dangerous radical." After all, could an unstable extremist put together a five-point plan for the next ten years for replacing all voters and all other candidates with my patented SycophanTron brand robots, resulting in my appointment as the omnipotent god-despot of the entire planet? They could not. It takes a certain je ne sais quoi, a certain malus aforethought, to come up with a plan that brilliant.
This just goes to show that my opponents are all stupid, vile, incompetent excuses for human beings. After all, they voted for everything you hate. One time, they voted for something, and then voted differently at a later time. This shows that they cannot be trusted. Don't believe their lies; vote yes on Sard.
Doctor Sardonicus. A vote for me is a vote for life. Your own, in fact.
3 vote(s)
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posted by relet 裁判長 on March 8th, 2012 12:03 AM
Your claim stands, but I have a better antidote.
I publicly Oppose you. And tyranny.
No votes from me