Stop! Don't read the poem! Listen to me reading it instead - scroll down to the bottom of this proof for a .mov file of me reading the poem. (And, if you want the full story, read this first.)



The Bandit had handed a challenge,
     to mangle the Black on the praxis,
And Charlie commanded the mantle
     to serve the EquivalenZ axis;
"I'll do every task," laughed the foolhardy Fish,
     sounding awfully melodramatic;
"I'll do them all better than all those bedwetters,
     the Preschool of Aesthematics."

With time passing fast, and with few mastered tasks,
     our poor hero seemed lost in the clamour;
But Fish never quits, he's just slow to submit;
     it took time corresponding with spammers;
He thumbed through his junk and discovered,
     with luck, that his dong could be stronger and longer;
Cheap meds would assure he could satisfy her
     (and from there it got wronger and wronger).

The company's claims were ambitious indeed
     for their magical packs of V14gr4:
"Sets arteries thrumming, and soon you'll be coming
     as much as the falls of Niagara!"
"One pill is enough to attract lots of muff,
     so get ready for rollicking frolics!"
"Your part will be harder!" and similar claims,
     made him worry for his diastolic.

But Fish was determined to task for the win,
     he was tasking so hard they might ban him;
He ordered a horde of blue diamonds online,
     half-expecting the spammers to scam him;
However, the honour of thieves and of perverts prevailed,
     and the drugs were delivered,
So Fish and his wife headed straight for the bedroom;
     with torrid excitement they quivered.

The rabbit hole ready, he popped the blue pill,
     and then felt both his pupils dilating;
He undressed his mistress and cherished her chassis,
     then found himself greatly inflating;
He applied his attention (what came next I won't mention),
     then lied on her, smiling and placid;
But had the V14gr4 kicked in? After all,
     he was now disappointingly flaccid.

While time wandered slow in a post-coital glow,
     with affection and special caressing,
Fish made up his mind that he found the V14gr4
     decidedly unprepossessing;
He kissed his dear lover and cast off the covers,
     then saw something rather surprising;
His wife gave a coo as she witnessed it too:
     a record recovery rising!

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=

I am on a nigh-impossible mission to complete every single pure-EquivalenZ task by the end of the era. Prior tasks:

- Correspond with a spammer
- Cellular Breakdown
- SFZero Text Updates
- Objectify a Subject
- Attachment Theory
- Bathe Electonics