My name is Inquisitive Dragonfly, and I have an oral fixation. Not as bad as Freud would have you think, but taste and texture in the mouth were the second thing I thought of upon reading this task. (The first thing also involved the mouth, but one of my rules for this adventure is to never do anything that springs immediately to mind).

Taste has given me some of the most pleasurable experiences of my life, at least the ones that can be recreated on demand. There was the butternut squash ravioli I had last Thanksgiving. Or assorted chocolate confections put together by Levitating Potato many years ago. The taste buds have also given me some of my unpleasurable experiences. Vomiting springs instantly to mind.

Ingredients. I need something pleasurable and something unpleasurable to put in my mouth. In the interests of health and sanity, I decided these must be at least nominally edible. In the interests of attempting to control as much as possible beyond the valence of the experience, I decided these must be store-bought items, involving no preparation whatsoever on my part, that I had never tasted before.

I chose the pleasurable object immediately: expensive, (hopefully) exquisite chocolate. I know I like chocolate, specifically dark chocolate in the form of truffles. I selected a brand I had never had before, solely on the basis of being 65% cacao. This is "Cacao Reserve by Hershey's Premium Dark Chocolate Truffles". Everything I should savor in a chocolate, even if it is Hershey's.

The unpleasurable item chose me. With no prior ideas about unpleasurable food, I planned to walk from one end of the store to the other until I found something appropriate. I started at the wrong end. One the very first aisle I walked down, I found…meat-type substance.



Hormel's semi-boneless pig's feet, packed in vinegar. A value pack.

I continued the aisles, in vain hope of finding something else that would be just as good. I did find a small jar of diced pimentos, which I held on standby. But I would never be able to live with myself if I decided pimentos were sufficient compared to pig's feet. Pimentos would get many comments about not being unpleasant at all. There must be those out there who like pig's feet - why else would they be on the shelf? - but surely not that many willing to put them in their mouth straight from the jar, and nowhere near as many who'd be willing to do it with pimentos.

Preparation. First, I brushed my teeth. There was no point in undertaking a pleasurable experience with a day's use and tastes already in my mouth, was there? To give the taste of toothpaste time to dull, I readied my "snacks".

The truffles came individually wrapped. I unwrapped three of them, expecting this to be a sufficient quantity for savoring over the course of a minute. The pig's feet…well, nothing on the jar said that they needed to be cooked, which is required by the FDA (please don't correct me; ignorance is bliss). I needed one mouthful. I had absolutely no intention of swallowing the things, so I needed enough to fill my mouth for 10 seconds. This amounts to one ... section? ... of pig's foot, in vinegar. The vinegar alone was enough to make me gag, and I seriously considered re-writing history so that I'd intended to do just vinegar all along. But no. I had, however, taken the precaution of purchasing Listerine along with the "snacks", for immediately after I spit the pig's foot back out, and a mouthful of that went on the plate as well. With the open bottle on standby. Set a stopwatch, prepare the camera for self-timer, and begin.

The Minute. The chocolate was everything I'd hope it would be. Very dark, very smooth. I didn't open my eyes the entire time, and was fully intent on ignoring the passage of time so I could focus on my tongue. It was a great hardship not to finish the last piece, which was only half-eaten when the timer went off. The taste lingered on my tongue and stomach as I ran to type a quick paragraph.

Cleansing water, set timer, reset camera self-timer. Brace.

Watch the flicking light of the camera so a shot of the pig foot's going into your mouth can be taken. If you think the mid-time shot is bad, well, let me tell you: it is incredibly different to pay attention to staying in-frame on a self-portrait when you are gagging and trying very hard not to throw up, and I have no intention of repeating the experience to get a better shot. The pig's foot very nearly didn't make it back into its bowl when I spat it out. I nearly knocked over the bowl trying to get the Listerine.

It wasn't just the taste, which was really just vinegar. It was the texture, which I had known was a major factor of my oral experiences. The foot had all the consistency of raw chicken, with little stringy bits, and because it was so large there was no getting away from it. The chocolates had been small enough that they needed to be spread around a bit to get the full effect; the pig's foot pressed against all parts of the mouth all the time.

Whereas I was able to take several pictures of me eating the chocolates, I didn't manage even one of me with the pig's foot; I couldn't sit up straight to stay in camera. Every thought and vestige of voluntary muscle control was focused on keeping my mouth shut and my gorge down until that watch beeped.

Disgust also photographs much better than pleasure. You'll have to take my word for it that I loved the chocolates, and that facial expression is the one I get when pleasured, because I'm not going to give you names of anyone who could verify it. On the other hand, if you think I'm not incredibly disgusted and nearly vomiting over the pig's feet, you are seriously overestimating my acting skills.

I won't go quite so far as to say that the 10 seconds seemed longer than the 1 minute. It certainly seemed longer than 10 seconds. Subjectively, I'd say I had that dratted pig's foot in my mouth no less than half as long as I savored the chocolates. I certainly would never want (and plan never) to relive the 10 seconds, whereas I am going to finish the chocolates. Like, right now.

I'm not sure what I'll do with the rest of the pig's feet. They cost more than the chocolates, too.

EDIT - A Final Though on Relativity: The unpleasurable 10 seconds certainly felt like longer than 10 seconds, but it didn't feel as long as the pleasurable 1 minute. Time Dilation of the bad and Time Contraction of the good wasn't enough for subjectivity to wipe out the objective time difference.didn't cancel out the 50 second objective difference. With e