My Platform

First, if elected I promise to support pro-choice legislation during the first half of my term and pro-life legislation during the second half.

I do support a voucher system to replace medicare. This will save the government billions of dollars which will allow us to lower taxes for those in the highest bracket to 3%. As the late, great Leona Helmsly once said, "Only the little people should pay taxes."

I strongly disagree with my opponent's position on outsourcing financially troubled companies. That approach increases unemployment because the workers are fired before the companies are outsourced. My approach would be to outsource the workers with their companies. 'Nothing could be fina than to move your job to China.'

Gilbert Spudnut is a Heartless Reptile

When Spudnut was only 14 he was charged with 25 counts of purse snatching. To set up the heists, Spudnut would lie in wait by handicapped parking stalls. Whenever a handicapped elderly woman pulled into park, Spudnut would confront her with a story that he was a boy scout collecting money for a charitable project. While the lady tried to process the information, Spudnut would grab her purse and run. Thanks to his uncle, who was the local prosecutor, Spudnut was placed on unsupervised probation.

When he was 25, Spudnut got into a brawl at a strip club. The owners were so impressed with his pugilistic skill that they hired him as bouncer.

Spudnut parlayed the bouncer job into a gig at Hooters, which took to him even bigger things. With the help of several other criminals, Spudnut cobbled together a string of healthcare companies. By submitting phony invoices, Spudnut and his cronies were able to defraud the medicare system out of billions. With the help of top legal talent, and the protection of the 5th Amendment, Spudie and his friends not only avoided prosecution but they got to keep all the money, except for a few paltry millions they paid their lawyers.

So, when you consider his record, there is only one way to introduce Gilbert Spudnut: "Will the defendant please rise."

A note of thanks to all members of the sf0 Players' Union.

First, please accept my heartfelt thanks for all the great work you do. You have truly made the world a better place!
As you know, I am now in the midst of a hard-fought campaign with Gilbert Spudnut. While his record clearly shows that he is unfit for this office he is pouring millions into this campaign, so I need your endorsement and help. I will greatly appreciate anything you can do. Oh and by the way, as a token of my gratitude I would like to fly all of you to Tahiti for a week of fun and sun. Your humble servant, Frederick Fogbound

Images from the Campaign Trail