Ahhh, I have a story for you. Before I joined SF0, I had just broken up with a long distance boyfriend. Choice was mine, which I’m sure makes the aftermath much easier, but the doubt still nags me from time to time. Don’t get me wrong, the magnitude of the doubt is nothing to write home about. Even the day I broke up with him, I had a deep peace about the decision. Fun while it lasted, but our relationship just didn’t have the substance I’d hope for, so I knew it wasn’t meant to be. God knows that the best thing I could ask for is that kind of peace, so that even when I get emotional and miss him, I can look back with strength and groundedness and security about my decision, and never truly question it at the core of my being. He is not the one for me right now. I don't want to be with him as he is today. Just the same, it is obviously difficult, especially at this transitional point in my life. King’s Academy, the school I attended for six years and then taught at for three years, is now in my past. Living situations are up in the air. My mom is no longer around to offer her words of wisdom as I take on a new job. Not that any of this has to do with choosing whether or not to stay in a relationship, it's just that the overwhelmingness and momentary urgency of it all makes it a little more difficult to voluntarily let go of another reliable constant. Obviously, this is not a good reason to stay in an imperfect relationship. People deserve the best; we deserve to find everything we’re looking for in a person, otherwise what’s the point of being in a relationship at all? Quite frankly, there is so much life we can only take advantage of while we’re single and free, it would be silly to cash that in for anything other than something priceless. Right?? So, I don’t regret it, I really don’t. Trading my current path back in for one that includes him sounds utterly undesirable. Undesirable, and the last thing on my mind. Vibrancy, intellectual stimulation, selflessness, world-changing inspiration, and just plain true love are not things I would compromise for the sake of momentary security. What’s so great about security anyway? X-actly. [ok, cop-out!] Yes, I miss him sometimes, but I don’t regret my decision for a second. Zany though it may sound, I love my independent unpredictable life right now!



Alright, it’s been less than a day since I posted this, but I’m already starting to regret putting something true and somewhat personal up on the internet for anyone to see... But now I’ve gotten a vote, and I don’t know whether I can replace it without losing those points! Can I? Don’t answer that, actually, I may as well just leave it up there. Even though it is a little embarrassing, there’s nothing ridiculously melodramatic or incriminating. For one thing, I would have told all of this to anyone who asked, so I may as well post it for people who didn’t; for another thing, we’ve all been in situations like this, and just because the emotions are subsiding doesn’t mean they’re not worth documenting in the moment. Guess that’s a matter of opinion, but I don’t mind your knowing how I felt last night, as long as you don’t assume I still feel that way now that you’re reading it. Hey, by the way, have you noticed that I’m trying to do the alphabet thing again? I had high hopes of weaving it together so colloquially that you wouldn’t even notice, but now that I re-read what I have so far, it does sound a little forced. Just didn’t seem as hard as I expected the first time around, so I figured I might as well keep it going and see what happened! Kind of boring to just talk about the fact that I’m trying to write coherently, though, so I’ll move on to something fascinating and meaningful... Lettuce!!! My name starts with an "L," so in my freshman dorm when we were playing the name game, a housemate who is now a dear friend dubbed me "L______ Lettuce," and unfortunately it has kind of stuck. Nobody would find that interesting, though, so let’s see, what else can I tell you? Oh, I know, we also played a game in our freshman dorm called "crossing the line." People have to walk across an imaginary line on the floor if a given (often very personal and/or controversial) statement applies to them, and then they can explain themselves afterward. Quite an interesting experience, although in the end it wasn't as great as I had expected. Right away when I heard about it, I thought I’d love it, because I usually enjoy getting insights about people, and then especially getting to discuss it and try to understand where they’re coming from. So I went into the game with more than an open mind. To tell you the truth, I was kind of disappointed with the outcome. Unexpectedly, there were just so many scenarios to respond to, that inevitably people would forget or confuse the interesting choices they noticed in others. Very much to my dismay, a housemate even asked me about an alleged time when I crossed the line to agree that I wouldn’t get romantically involved with someone of another race. While I was able to clear up that particular misconception, I can’t be sure how many other scenarios a friend may remember incorrectly, and therefore assume something about me that I would find not only inaccurate, but also downright offensive. Xenophobia, racism, prejudice – all of these things are the source of so many evils that I long to fight against, and it made me so uncomfortable, even angry, to be accused of being a part of them. Yeah, I understand that there could be a well-meaning person who would prefer to be romantically involved with someone of his or her own race for cultural reasons, but I don’t think that’s what this girl was assuming of me. Zero precautions were taken to avoid this type of confusion; I still think it’s a great game in theory, but I would maybe modify it to allow each person to explain each decision, so that personal and controversial worldviews like this would not later be ascribed to the wrong individuals.