Oh dear.

Oh dear oh dear...

It's funny how you start one thing and end up with something completely different...

What started off as a Kensingtøn task with a witty write up and japes about business shoes ended up being a misschraddøn idiocy disaster...

I was pretty excited when I first saw this task - it took me back to when I used to live in Melbourne. There's a bar on ACDC lane (best names street ever) called the Cherry Bar where it's a pretty normal custom to end the night by throwing your shoes over the powerlines just outside. There's gotta be thirty pairs of shoes up there...

So yeah I'd always fancied this and thought it would be fun.

So I got hold of one of Kensingtøn's business shirts and business ties and commenced turning a dirty old pair of converse into some business shoes.

And we all laughed and had a jolly good time.

I spent about two hours sewing the shirt and tie to the shoes (I am terrible at sewing) - it was a long effort but I think I did okay. Then I set out to find me some powerlines to throw them over.

I started walking around the streets near my house (in the rain, in flip-flops...) and was having a hard time actually finding any power lines that weren't like forty feet in the air - so I walked a bit further out of my house towards the old arches of a big railway bridge.

When I got there I found the perfect line to throw them over. It wasn't too high and after a few goes I was getting close. I was keeping a keen ear open for any cars just in case anyone was coming and was surprised to see a police van approaching from down the road.

What are the chances?

I instantly threw down the shoes under the bridge and walked off. My first reaction was to call my Mum to look busy. I'm not really sure why.

My ears pricked up a few times as cars approached me from behind but I was relieved when they were just taxis. After a couple of minutes i looped back on myself in a way that would take me closer to home and was distraught to hear a vehicle drawing up beside me...

I need to be clear here and make no bones about it - I'm a confident guy (most of the time) but I have never been in trouble with the police in my whole life. I was shitting it.

unsurprisingly it was the police - I'll try my best to recap the conversation.

P = Police
M = misschraddøn

P - Alright mate, what are you up to?
M - Oh you know, just out for a walk.
P - And what were you doing with those shoes?
M - Just messing about throwing them around
P - So you just left your house with a pair of shoes and now you're just gonna leave them there?!
M - Yeah, I mean did you see them? They're all shitted up!
P- Right...
M - (knowing that I'm terrible at lying I thought it best to play it straight) I'll be straight with you, I was gonna try throw them over the power lines and then decided not to.
P - Do you know what that means when you throw shoes over powerlines?
M - (genuinely not knowing) That you get electrocuted?
P - No it means that you're advertising that you've got drugs for sale.
M- WHAT?!

I wish I'd read the task notes now where this was brought up...

At this point the other policeman got out of the car and walked round towards me

P - What's your name mate?
C - Chris Madden - you know, like John Madden football, ha ha (forced laugh).

He didn't laugh.

P - You live round here mate?
C - Yeah just over there on Ludgate Hill
P2 - What've you got in your pockets there mate?
M - Camera, phone, keys and that's it.
P2 - So you've no illegal substances then?
M - Absolutely not.

P2 starts to pat me down.

P2 - what's that in that pocket?
M - it's my keys
P2 - Will you take them out for me please?

I handed him the keys...

P - you ever been in trouble with the police before?
M - I'm hoping you can tell from my reaction that no, I have not.

P2 goes to get back in van.

P - Right then well what're gonna do now then?
C - I'm just gonna go straight home - you know I never knew that about the drugs thing. It's funny because when I was in Melbourne there was this bar and it was pretty normal for people to throw their shoes over it at the end of the night.
P2 - Yeah well you're not in Melbourne are you? You're in Manchester now.

And they started to turn round to drive off. However, as I was heading back towards where the shoes were (in a loop towards home as mentioned above) they decided it was best to crawl alongside me until I went in the opposite direction to where the shoes were...

I only have a few photos of when I was making the business shoes. I couldn't take ones after due to the police pursuit so they're either

a) under a dirty bridge like the mocking waste of space that they are.

or

b) enjoying a ride in a very big police van.


FAIL.

NEXT DAY UPDATE!

Right now I am quite drunk - I've just stumbled home and thought it would be a great idea to detour past where I dumped the shoes.

They were still there.

So obviously I picked them up.

Fearing re-failure and potential cop problems I sneaked down to Angel Meadow in the dark.

I was trying to be surreptitious but probably couldn't have stood out more :D

Well anyway, long story short the business shoes are now taking residence in one of the many fine trees in my favourite little park. I'm sure the Friends of Angel Meadow won't mind :D

Fuck the law!