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shady grey
Level 4: 601 points
Last Logged In: October 2nd, 2010
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5 + 84 points

Saucy Tales by shady grey

June 28th, 2010 4:14 PM

INSTRUCTIONS: Every ancient condiment in the back of your fridge is a tale of neglect and abandonment. Tell us yours.

So, I was going through my little fridge today to see if there was anything that needed throwing out, since I'll be moving soon, and I came across this jar:

main_pittedblackoliv91922.jpg

It appeared to be a jar that was in the back of the fridge for far too long, and not only got cold, but became quite frozen.

main_olivesicles91923.jpg

VERY frozen!

main_thefrozenolivej91924.jpg

Oh man, when the... wha? When did I buy these olives? When did I last go to the supermarket?

main_olivesonice91925.jpg

Deeming them inedible, I threw them away.

Later, Mr Scuffles was asking me about the olives in the back of the fridge.

"Wha? I threw them out."

Apparently, the olives in the back of the fridge weren't olives I had bought from The Co-operative Food shop on Caledonian Road months ago, but rather an experimental cryogenics project Mr Scuffles was running. The olives had paid to be frozen in the back of my fridge in order to attain 'eternal youth' at some undetermined time in the future where they can be awakened by advanced futuristic technology, and be freshly-plucked from the olive trees once more.

Mr Scuffles was even paid for this lucrative scheme, although when he showed me the money, I said, "Eh? That's it?"

main_mrscuffleswithh91926.jpg

"They're olives, what do you expect?"

"But that looks like my laundry money... and that the change I had left over from my last trip back to the States...."

"I don't know how olives get their money. I just take it."

main_countinupthatch91927.jpg

Ah well. Poor olives. The only future for them will be winding up on the sidewalk of Holloway Road to be picked up by the garbage workers.


- smaller

pitted black olives on ice

pitted black olives on ice

I don't even know how long these olives were in the back of the fridge.


olivesicles

olivesicles

You can see that one was caught in mid-scream. Okay, perhaps not...


the frozen olive jar

the frozen olive jar

It's not just that a bit of freezer burn had gotten to it. The jar was well-frozen.


olives on ice

olives on ice

It was practically a full jar as well.


mr scuffles with his ill-gotten olive gains

mr scuffles with his ill-gotten olive gains

The olives apparently paid Mr Scuffles to be cryogenically frozen.... with my laundry money and leftover change from my trip back to Orlando.


countin' up that chedda

countin' up that chedda

He got mad when I took my laundry money back.



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6 comment(s)

MARVELOUS! +1
posted by Professor Møbius on June 28th, 2010 11:06 PM

Sorry, but Mr. Scuffles is kind of epic, and cryogenically frozen olives ought to have their money taken. Stupid olives.

(no subject)
posted by River Rock on June 30th, 2010 7:07 AM

A consummate Saucy Tales.

Well played!
posted by Novy San on June 30th, 2010 9:35 PM

As the originator of Saucy Tales I commend you on form, content, and execution. Well done.

Thank you
posted by shady grey on July 1st, 2010 3:01 AM

I'm quite honoured, and am glad people seem to be enjoying it.

(no subject)
posted by Tac Haberdash on July 1st, 2010 2:24 AM

How...

You have one bad motherfucker of a fridge.

I know...
posted by shady grey on July 1st, 2010 2:54 AM

I had jam that was frozen back there as well, but it wasn't cryogenically frozen. It was just regular frozen, apparently.