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for one week, i decided to sumbit myself to exploring the textures and tastes of this little pony riding lolita. On some days, she satisfied my every ache on others she left me so destitute i physically reached out in front of my face desperate for a taste. She was heartless, she was sweet, she was bitter and cruel. Ultimately, i decided that my relationship with her had as much to do with what went in as it did with what ...

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came out. So be forwarned now, my documentation shows no discretion. I found my poops to be the most exciting part of this experience! I devised the above rating system, a 1 to 5 toilet scale. Poops will be rated in terms of notability and will appear in chronological order. As a final note, in rereading the rules i realize I was lax in one respect and quite unnecessarilly orthodox in another. On one hand I picked and chose my days irrespective of the order of the spectrum, I also treated water as a clear substance and hence a violation on any day! Welcome to my journey ...

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Morning: presorted Froot Loops with rice milk ... the loops magically turn my milk blue!!! 4 Blueberry Fruit strip bars cup of water stained with rain Gatorade notes: sugar wore off in one hour, hunger returned 10 fold

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Lunch: cottage cheese soaked in “rain” flavored Gatorade + blueberries Blueberries 2 boxes+ blue tortilla chips Notes: did not finish Gatorade and cottage cheese due to gag reflex when ½ way through Put it in the fridge for night (and by night tied it in a bag and put it in the trash) Hunger persists

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Dinner: BUBBLEGUM ICE CREAM (minus all but the one blue colored gumball!) large bag of blue peanut M&M’s Many cups of water stained with rain Gatorade 2 blue machine smoothies. Notes: my strategy for protein today was to sneak in some peanuts stowed a way in a fun candy shell which melts in your mouth not in your hands starting to feel bodily cravings for real food, physically catching myself reaching for food I know I am not allowed to eat

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Desparate Late Night Mission: Blue Porridge allocated from Koreana Market one more stained water Notes: the blue porridge when rung up said “gruel” in the screen of the register, and was not nearly as blue as it looked on the package. Upon ringing it up, the receipt got stuck in the machine and the lady said something in Korean curtly under her breath. I repeated it back and asked what it meant, she apologized so flush with embarrassment she couldn’t look me in the eye.

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wow! a tirquoise swirl! Thats pretty notable, although i beleive i got better.

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my morning was haunted by this chubby blue poltergeist

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Morning: presorted Froot Loops 2 cups of water stained with peach vitamin water 1 bowl of corn chowder + Korean chilli paste notes: ahhhhh today is gonna be gooooood

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Lunch: 1 cup water stained with peach vitamin water 1 fucking delicious mango 1 omelette : 2 eggs + frontera salsa + cheddar + rice milk + salt 3 apricots 2 cups carrot juice

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its not as blue as this morning, but still remarkable! look at how blue dominates

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Dinner: 1 bowl of butternut squash soup 2 slices of cantaloupe 1 cup apple juice Notes: dinner at my moms (hence the table cloth), she thought my “diet” was stupid and urged me to do something more productive with my creative mind than eat foods that would produce “off color” discussions at the dinner table (no pun (by her) intended).

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Late Night Mission: 3 full sail amber ales 1 orange vitamin water 2 waters stained with peach vitamin water 1 entire box of cheddar goldfish Notes: goooooldfish bwaaaaaahhhhahaahaha

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for a day, i turned around to the bowl the way a child looks under the christmas tree. Finally the gift ive been waiting for ... my very own half half! Note how the line of contact seemed to be under high stress and resulted in fracture.

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Morning: presorted Froot Loops 2 cups of water stained with yellow vitamin water

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Lunch: 1 omelette : 3 eggs + yellow bell pepper + cheddar + rice milk + salt 1 water stained with yellow vitamin water 2 mojito adina juices

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A phase of orange begins!

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Dinner: 1 bowl of tortilla chips crushed in hummus 1 trader joes lemon yogurt 1 container of mac and cheese 1 tropical vitamin water

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Late Night Mission: 1 omelette : 3 eggs + yellow bell pepper + cheddar + rice milk + salt 1 water stained with yellow vitamin water

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Morning: presorted Froot Loops 1 trader joes 1 waters stained with red vitamin water and cranberry juice cocktail respectively notes: Absolutely no sleep the night before (insomnia). I’m working all day delivering juice, I need to bring a lunch in tupperware.

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Lunch: 1 apple 2 trader joes Indian cuisine bag meals. (chick peas and dhal) 1 water stained with cranberry cocktail 1 trader joes yogurt (definately on the pink side of things)

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Dinner: 2 tomato soups (the flash made them look more orange than they were) Notes: Getting very hungry. Too bad I’m veggie, or i'd have more options. Still exhausted tho.... where my poop.

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Late Night Mission: 1 Thai red curry vegetables (green vegetables sorted out) rice stained with curry 1 Thai iced tea light on the cream heavy on the red tea. 2 glasses red wine with Mr. Tapesonten (not yet pictured)

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finally, i think the wine helped loosen things up!

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Morning: 1 cottage cheese 2 cups of water stained with rice milk 2 bannanna (1 brown spot removed) notes: after a discussion with my ma on orange wed. we'd, decided bananas are white. Mom’s are usually right about things like this.

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Lunch: 1 Burger King Milkshake (wow, I haven’t supported BK in a many day) Many cashews Many rice krispy treats A couple of white bread pite + swiss sandwiches notes: went to a potluck, had a lot of unlikely options.

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Dinner: 1 corner of a discusting “chinese white melon” 1 bit of left over rice from thai on red day. 1 rice milk

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Late night: whew those taters did the trick

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2 White russians, not even really sure if this is the orthodox recipie for a caucasian, but, cest la vie, it was white and creamy delicious.

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again, a drank inspired poop, quite normally colored and unnotable though

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Morning: presorted Froot Loops 2 waters stained with welches grape soda notes: spent the morning cooking a chile I’ve made many a time, which is strangely purple

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black beans and coconut milk is, I think, the culprit. but This time, I substituted tomato puree with tomato juice......

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ORANGE!!!! i even tried pouring in the last of my grape soda (a true tongue stainer) ... no luck!

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fuck this chille (as i side note, i did eat it later, it did eventually turn purple (fuck!) and the grape was a nice hint)

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Lunch: 1 box of black berries 1 purple cabbage 1 water stained with vitamin water a bunch of Kalmattas more kalmattas a beet salad 2 purple superfoods by Odwalla notes: this may look like a lot of food.... but i was hungry all day.... Ate lunch with Maze Designer, and asked the lady at this bougie Middle Eastern place if they had anything purple on the menu. Ideally, this interaction would’ve gone down without my explaining sf0 to her. This time, I wasn’t so brave, I immediately blurted out what I was doing, ruining the human oddity factor. I had more Kalmattas (maze designer ate the green olives, which ive crossed out here with an x) and a beet salad. I hate beets. My dad hated beets, and my grandfather before him hates beets. Fuck a beet.

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Notes: Getting very hungry. Walking around the open market in Emeryville,, finding nothing purple, just bought an eggplant dish out of reflex. I totally knew i couldnt eat 95 percent of it! Aside from the skins it was predominantly brown. The lady shook a little bit of this purple spice on it before handing it to me. Wow! Fortuitous, I desperately covered the meal with it. When I got back to my car to eat, I came to my senses.

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. I had to understand, I had to accept, I could not eat the majority of his meal. It was not purple. I picked out the purple eggplant skins and ate a bit of the purple spice covered rest. pictured here is the fucking rest, which i couldnt fucking eat. i rushed to go buy more kalmatas

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This particular container tasted awful. I wasn’t just sick of olives, I think these were bad. While gulping them down painfully yet hungrily Tapesonten said, “put that shit away man, it smells like diarrhea”. It was true. But I kept painfully popping them, one by one into my mouth. We went to fosters. Things got a little better for me. I got the triple berry shake. I felt a little better.

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this was without question my most notable shit! better than the half half, as it SMELLED DEAD ON OF GRAPE SODA! i didnt even have but more than half a container... but maybe it had something to do with the way the soda was dilluted with water.

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Morning: presorted Froot Loops 2 waters stained with “rain” Gatorade 2 vegan food supplement (tastes like pond scum but is part of my typical routine) 1 avocado 1 bowl of grapes and left over veggies from my ma’s Chinese food box

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Lunch: 1 green machine superfood 1 bog ol box of pesto pasta salad a la Genova delicatessen (removed red bell pepper and mushrooms) 1 more dietary pond scum supplement 1 more water stained with rain Gatorade 5 sticks of celery

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Dinner: 1 green apple left over green veggies from red Thai curry Left over salad from sauteed eggplant calamity 6 pickles

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now, everyone has experienced a green poo. One might ask, why did i give it such a high rating. I guess its just, I was glad to have managed to squeeze it in there (pun intended) before the night ended, to feel in a sense, that the cycle was now complete..... thanks for reading my story. -spotlight