A Christmas Ornament for the Homeless

Let me begin by saying that I'm generally not much of a fan of Christmas. It reminds me of my aloneness and estrangement from my family.

It also reminds me of the sometimes extreme imbalances in the city around me - and the invisible green lines that separate the fate of one person from his neighbor.

Take for example one of the things I really do love about Christmas, the lights, of course! Ever notice how some areas of the city are bustling with twinkling lights, while those on the other side of the line are often completely devoid? What these places really need is some Christmas lights!

Another thing I notice about these darkened areas is that during the daylight hours, many seem to have their own rather unique and creative form of year round ornamentation:


You know it's not really yours...
...until you throw some shoes up!

So, naturally I thought I'd stick with the pre-established theme, lest the local homeowners association become frustrated with not matching the style of the neighborhood.

I can see it now, a nice pair of shoes blinking defiantly in the Christmas night!

Ok, down to brass tacks. To throw up some shoes, first you've got to have some shoes. I didn't think any of my shoes were really of high enough quality to display against the magnificently blue California sky, so I trucked it over to the Goodwill on Geary and Hyde.

It took me a bit to figure out where the shoes were (not being a woman and all) but eventually I found some that might work:



"Ah-hah!", I thought to myself, and started to reach for the pink pair - the ones hanging over the edge in the picture. "Those look sort of like crocs", I thought to myself. Suddenly, if on cue, the lights flickered and dimmed and a deep dark gravelly voice bellowed across the linoleum floored thrift store, reminding me of ancient wisdom I had nearly forgotten:

"Nick, never let it be forgotten: Crocs are like pussy kryptonite!"

I dropped the flavored shoes immediately and staggered back. licking the palm of my hand where it had touched the shoes and began rubbing it furiously on my thigh until any traces of pink kryptonite had dissipated. I must remember to burn these pants... after I take them off I mean, not like last time.

Needing all the help I can get with the ladies, I resolved to find another non-superpower inhibiting pair.




Oh yeah! The ladies will love these simply fabulous steppers! I fantasized about these shoes dangling from on high, flashing out their message of courage and desperation and attracting droves of potential lovely young girlfriends who think I am "so creative" and "so dangerous"! On further examination, there wasn't much room to store batteries or lights, plus they were size 7 and a half, and too small to try on. Oh well, cest la vie.

Head down, I turned the corner, when a sequined sparkle caught my eye:



Well hello beautiful, and hello to your twin sister! Checking to ensure it was at least possible an 18 year old could fit into the shoes, I snatched them up and headed up to the counter, ready to plunk down my $4.99:



Ok, Fantabulous shoes, check. Next, I need lighting. I had thought of raiding my radio shack electrical kit for it's LED's and building the lighting myself, but doing that would mean disrupt other machinations I had for said kit.

So instead, I took a quick run over to the Radio Shack on polk, which I knew sells LEDs. After getting there, I reaalized it was like $5 for two LEDs, and not even the extra bright and blinky good kind! Suddenly I flashed back to my childhood. I was 8 years old, standing at the (then taller) radio shack counter, looking at my brand new radio shack battery club card, and scores over overpriced and really crappy batteries. "Sha, right! More like 'Radio Ripoff!'", my 8 year old self said.

I gave the sales attendant the finger when he wasn't looking and stormed out.


So I stopped by Walgreens on the way home and found the perfect thing:



.... and solar powered too! That ... actually could be useful! .... And they've been on TV! They must be good! Sweet, TV!

...

So I head home and get down to business stuffing the proverbial turkey. My roomate's dog seems to approve of the shoes I've chosen:



Ok, lets strip these lights down to glass slipper size:

Before:


During:


After:


After separating the electronics from their plastic prision, I decided to satisfy a bit of my curiosity about the output of the included photovoltaic (solar cell):



I then decided to compare it's output against the "Pooch-o-voltaic" that had taken up residence next to me:



Ok, enough silliness, lets get back to the serious business at hand. I encased the electrical system (NiCd battery, photovoltaic, and circuit board) in a wrap of electrical tape, a plastic bag, then more electrical tape:


Then I installed the hardware into the right shoe, ensuring it would stay put and watertight with a thin layer of JB weld, followed by a crapload of gorilla glue:


and removed the excess lead wire:


Hrmm, I've gotten this far - but something is missing, a certain "I don't know what"... I'll sleep on it and return to it in the morning. The shoes, however, being noctournal, needed some company through the night to prevent premature battery drainage:



The next morning, I arise at a reasonable hour and make a quick run by Goodwill to look for a few finishing touches to put on these twinkling toes:


The yellow scarf thingee turns out to be built around a rather strong fiberous cotten rope, which will provide needed stress relief to the electrical wiring as it travels between shoes. I will wire the light string between shoes to be longer than the cotten rope, so that it will take the brunt of the initial shock of deployment and hold the weight.

I proceed to install the yellow feathery lanyard, or as I like to think of it, a "San Franciscian Shoelace".

In true SF style, I forcibly reamed each shoe a new hole in their posterior section to accommodate it's length and girth, and I do the same to it's twin:



dividing the string of lights in half, I tie each one of them to the lainyard with the strongest twine I have in the house:



I think my dentist expected me to floss with this when I got the sample from her during my last visit, but this is sort of like flossing in a metaphorical way.... Soul flossing. I wonder if she'll buy that.

...

Anyhow, now that the lace is done up, lets install the lights. There are a lot of them, but a leather punch and superglue make quick work of the task:

Step #1: "Cut a hole in a box", errr, I mean, punch a hole in the shoe:


Step #2: Apply superglue to LED as a sort of sticky lubricant:


Step #3: Gently cram the lubed up LED into the super tight shoe-hole:


Step #4: Repeat 49 more times, being sure to glue fingers together each time.

.... And, now to add the finishing touches:



and then... And Then.... AND THEN....


(drum roll please....)

The Finished Product - Quintuple Woot!


Note that I added the jingle bells for a bit of a breeze based auditory effect to go with the blinking, but also as a counterweight to the electronics in the other shoe. The small presents were added to the electronics bearing shoe to disguise some of the uglier parts of the installation in a christmassy sort of theme.


After the final bits of JB Weld, Superglue and Gorilla Glue Finished Drying, I gave them a quick test hang:


... and then made a quick clip of me putting them through their paces. You'll notice that they only start blinking when the solar cell doesn't detect light.




Ok, it looks like this horse is ready to ride, lets get things packed up and hit the town! I stuff the shoes into my backpack to keep them from blinking and drawing attention to me while in transit:



After I took this picture and zipped it up, I could still see the lights through the backpack, so I put them in a black plastic bag which I then put back into the backpack.

I then decided to take a stroll around the city, in order to wait for people to clear off the streets, but also to get a look at my competition:


After walking until my feet literally had blisters, I headed over to my target destination at about 1:30am - the little 'park' at the corner of Webster and Golden Gate. I chose this particular park because there are a lot of benches, and usually around 3-5 homeless folks sleeping here every night. The neighborhood in general is completely devoid of Christmas lights. I step through the park quietly, trying not to wake any of them, but stupidly trip over one of their bundles of possessions, which elicited a 'grunt' from it's sleeping owner. I pick my target, the tallest tree in the park - a fine specimin for a christmas tree and after 3 tries finally manage to hang my shoes:



The fact that they ended up in a candy cane shape was incredible luck, I couldn't have asked for better! I snapped a quick clip of the ornament in action:



... and headed home. I intend to check in every few days and see if the shoes are still installed and blinking. The solar panel should keep them charged indefinantly, and hopefully I waterproofed them enough(read glue) to withstand the rain.

My hope is that at least one of the 'residents' glances up through the dark fog at the twinkling candy cane and knows that someone is thinking of them.

update:
One of my roomates went by the deployment site last night and confirmed that the shoes are still up - they've survived at least 2 nights at this point.