I picked out five ads from last week's Guardian that sounded like the 30 second pitches we were forced to practice for that 'chance meeting in an elevator' all throughout film school. Bum ba da dum dump, and here they are:

M for W
ARCHEOLOGIST/DOCTOR
New in town. Building new home. Need advice with furnishings. Someone who likes art, live music, good restaurants, sailing on weekends. Preferable San Francisco resident. •909915

W for M
LOOKING FOR ADVENTURE
Extremely fat, married, middle-aged white housewife, about 225lbs, seeks WM under 50, for weekday/daytime intimacy. Be healthy, discreet and patient, please.
•747004

M for W
9+
SHM, 24, attractive, open-minded, N/S, well-endowed, freaky, a lot of stamina, seeks woman, 18-55, for fun times. •127344

TV/TS
TEACH ME TO CROSS-DRESS
Male, 45, 6', Capricorn, seeks man, TV/TS, educational purposes, fulfilling fantasy, for friendship, possible relationship. •978759

M for M
BEER AND SEX
Let's drink a few beers, talk about sex and play strip poker. BiWM, 44, trim, tight build, masculine, N/S, seeks same, 20-44. •875314

So now you know the characters. Imagine what happens when these five people are taken hostage by an international gang of bank robbers. Will 9+ discover that actually, he's not open minded at all, and his tape measure is measuring in centimeters? Will BEER AND SEX realize that LOOKING FOR ADVENTURE is actually his high-school sweetheart, and finally admit that he's always loved her, even though he's been out to his family and friends since the 80s? How will ARCHEOLOGIST/DOCTOR find his interior designing match in TEACH ME TO CROSS-DRESS?

You can only find out by tuning in next week, same place, same time.

err... or see Personal Ads 2 right away.

Personal Ads 3 can now be viewed here!

Up next, I'm drafting HC players to complete Personal Ads 4- hit me up if you'd like to help out...