"Divulging to the Dumpster"

This is me getting the idea:


This is me trying not to look like the tall white American, with letter in hand:


Here is the letter:

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Dear Dumpster,

I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I wish you weren’t so far away. This out-pouring of affection might seem inappropriate. I assure you I mean no disrespect to you, dear dumpster, only I don’t know who else I can turn to. You see there is a more pressing issue at hand. I wish I wasn’t the one to break this to you, but people living in the apartment in front of you aren’t giving all their trash to you!

I know this must come as a surprise, and I hope you don’t take it personally dear dumpster, but I’m coming to you because I think I might have a solution. I am almost positive that if your distance from the building weren’t so great, people wouldn’t feel compelled to act like a bunch of inconsiderate mullet wearing hillbillies in a trailer park instead of professionals in a civilized town.

Although when one reflects upon it, you aren’t so far away that one should loose complete pride and dignity in ones place of residence. Have you seen the trash that liters our entrance and stairs? I know you don’t travel much, and you might not be able to appreciate the utter lack of dignity and pride that dumping trash haphazardly indicates, but I assure you it is cause of no end of frustration for me.

I was thinking, could you possibly move a few yards closer? You do seem rather busy holding all sorts of rubbish, and nobody fancies a commute to work. However, if you have any humanity in you, please consider it.

On a positive note, I want to let you know that I appreciate you and all that you do on a daily basis. Without you it is likely that we would be covered in rubbish entirely without a way to even exit our front door. Because of you, I am able to venture out for work, food and life in general. I am rather adverse to the idea of being buried entirely in our own refuge. This, in fact, would be a great tragedy and would surely happen if you were to move even farther away.

So please if I can’t convince you to move closer so that the lazy asses in this apartment building would dump their trash on a more frequent basis, I implore you at least to not move farther away. In addition, although it likely breaks all kinds of labor laws I can absolutely unequivocally disagree with any thought on your part for a vacation, sabbatical or hiatus.

You are entirely too important to the overall function of our daily lives to take any time off. While your compensation is entire inadequate and we clearly do not value your function as much as we should (given the aforementioned propensity to throw trash on the ground rather than in the dumpster where our trash belongs). I hope you will continue in your dedication.

I can only hope that those who reside here will some day learn how important your function is or perhaps just find some self-respect and resist the urge to live in an utter pigsty.

On that note I want to reiterate that I don’t blame you. In fact I have no proof that if you were closer they would discontinue the practice of throwing rubbish anywhere they pleased. I guess I am just giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, as I said I have just been thinking about you a lot, and thought this talk would do us good.
Kind regards,
R.S.
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Here is the trash I knew would be there without even seeing it earlier. (everyone in our building is highly educated instructors/professors from around the world... I wish I knew exactly who the losers are who keep doing this, I might just have to have a stake out someday!)



Here is the walk to the dumpster:


Here is the placement:



Here is the building next closest to the dumpster (their steps are clean btw)