So, this will be edited in a couple stages. Primarily because my housemates may not appreciate the plans I have.

Recipee for Pasta Con Durianimchee

This recipe requires pasta, cooked to taste, ideally with a couple tbsp of olive oil. That's not scary.

It also requires durian jam, which is just possibly the rankest might-be-good tasting thing I've ever tested. As a result of containing durian jam, this will have to be consumed on the porch. In a container I can throw away. You see, the house has a rule - a sensible rule - about not cooking with durian fruit indoors.

It also requires quick steam kimchee.

1 head cabbage
5 tbsp garlic chili sauce
5 tbsp hot cock sauce
3 tbsp green Tabasco sauce
2 tbsp Louisiana hot sauce
1/2 cup white vinegar
1/2 stick butter
5 tbsp olive oil

Steam until cabbage is only slightly crunchy, with everything added in and stirred as you go. This is one of my traditional pasta mixings, but with about three times the amount of spices.

OK, kimchee finished last night.
Pasta... found some leftover pasta in the fridge.
Found the mayonnaise, got everything out for pictures.

*begins process of mixing and eating*

*nabbs aluminum foil so as to not have to wash a durian fruit jam coated plate*

* * *

Dear gods. That was so much worse than I thought it would be, and in a completely different way than I thought it would be. I hate sweet and sour, and it hadn't (for some unknown reason) occurred to me that the sweet of the jam and sour of the kimchee would make a sweet and sour. It was all I could to to get it near my mouth. Stink of old sweat socks, an armpit, a bad day of sick...

...because of course I tried this after mowing the lawn while sick...

...and I nearly ended up giving the "food" back the hard way.

This is so appallingly, indescribably nasty I can't even begin to intimate the horror. I thought I'd find something that might scare me enough to qualify as scary food - I don't scare easily - but this crossed some sort of internal threshold on smell alone that I very nearly couldn't complete the task.

Brushing the teeth helps. Some. I must, for the next six hours, not burp at all.

*sad face*

Now I understand why people chase things like Tequila with other things that have flavor. Nothing I think of at the moment makes this go away. Not pickles, not ice cream, not salt. Salt... a worse idea than I thought it would be.

Blargh.