125 + 155 points
Pure Evil by Malaysian Eddy, Blue
August 24th, 2008 8:41 PM / Location: 17.226069,-89.61153I was not convinced by The Villains performance that SFØ was indeed safe from the return of his evil. His visage of evil had been disbanded. But who was to say that the hearts of those that it had been entrusted with this burden were not corruptible?
I set out to collect all of the pieces and ensure their destruction once and for all. But how do you destroy Evil?! It seems Kyle Hamilton might offer some insight. Surely a Volcano would be hot enough: not to mention epic enough! Now to acquire the pieces.
I knew that Eddy was in possession of one, after revealing my plans she decided to join me. I acquired another piece from an east coast player who's journey had brought them to San Francisco this summer. I could settle for destroying half of it now.
We bought two tickets to Guatemala where we planned to destroy the bandanna pieces in the lava of one of their 4 active volcanoes.
As our plane approached Guatemala City,
Volcán de Fuego and Pacaya could be made out in the distance.
After landing in Guatemala City we hired a shuttle which transported us to Antigua. I recommend getting the hell out of Guatemala city as fast as possible.
However, to be fair I feel I must mention that this was my first time out of the country and I sure did not want to be christened there.
A few things I noticed right away about Guatemala is, its a lot different there. First of all, emissions laws… nope… don't have 'em. My eyes literally burned after being in that city for… ehh… 5 minutes.
Second of all, driving regulations… ehh seen as more of a suggestion. In fact I am pretty sure that is how it is with all laws down there. I saw signs telling you to fasten your seat belt, but then I saw minivans so full that people stood in the open sliding door and held onto the roof as they went down the highway. There were other noticeable differences as well. For Example, drive throughs were called Auto Macs or Auto Kings and soda delivery trucks were accompanied by armed guards, with assault shotguns! But in there defence, that soda is Deliciouso! God bless cane sugar down with corn syrup.
So we headed to beautifull Antigua where we got our bearings before heading to Volcân Pacaya.
We waited in front of this church for a shuttle that would take us there.
As the door to the shuttle opened a dozen boys came up with all the walking sticks they could carry shouting, "Stick!!! Stick!!! Stick!!! Cinco Quetzales!!!" We all politely refused. One especially sad looking boy approached a couple of tourist who we later became friends with and wound up bumping into in almost every town we traveled to…
"Stick?"
"No Gracious."
"Es Necessario!"
This became our tagline for the trip.
Horses were offered to us as "Taxis" for 75 Quetzales. As we made the steep assent they would pick on the tourist who were struggling and continually offer them taxis.
We had a crazy guide. From what I gathered our group was called Familia Pacaya. He established a whistle to keep us all together.
Oh look, san francisco is right over there!
Along the way he would point out nice spots to take pictures and tell us about the eruptions that had occurred here.
I think he is talking about two eruptions that happened and how fast the lava flows were. Apparently the first one wasn't that bad but the smoke from the second one shut down the airport in Guatemala city. At least, I think thats what he said. "Mi espaniol es muay empoco."
The rocks up there were hot as hell. I was convinced several times that my shoes were going to melt. However, even though we saw a lot of amazing things there was one thing we did not see…
¡Adios Pacaya!
¡¿No Fucking Lava?!
You got to be kidding me! WTF!? What part of 'Active Volcano' was I miss understanding here? I did not
travel however far I traveled to fail! This ain't no FailBlog!!! What
the hell was I going to do?
Instead of destroying an SF0 artifact we had created a new one.
A New Plan Emerges
If I can't melt the pieces in lava I will bury them as deep as I can in mesoamerican history. This will be classic, no preclassic.(sorry) The next day myself and Robyn Purchase two Bus tickets to Flores, gateway to Tikal.
"Bus Station" Those old school buses are known as "Chicken Buses"
The tourist I spoke to who had ridden one said they will instill you with the fear of god; that if you aren't religious and you ride one, you will be.
We share the bus ride to Flores with some English speaking tourists. On the way up we share a bottle of cazadores we picked up at the duty free store back in L.A.
"¿What's this?" asks Frank as I pass him the flask.
"¡Es NECESSARIO!" I respond.
"No but seriously."
"Seriously."
On the way Alotta tells us how one year 40 bus drivers were killed, shot in the head through the windshield and then the buses were just left. (It was probably more like twelve over the course of two days)
Later on in our travels I came across one of the buses that a driver had been shot in. Apparently in Guatemala, just cause your windshield has a few bullet holes from when the last driver was brutely murdered doesn't necessarily mean it needs to be replaced. I mean 98% to 99% of the glass is still there.
Flores is atiny, tiny island on a lake. It is about 5 blocks wide. Very Beautiful. We get a room at Dóna Gaya Uno with two beds for $10 us dollars a night. It is quite humid here. But our hotel comes complete with hammocks on the roof and a beautiful view of the lake. 
The rainforest is fucking awesome. Later I came to find out from a woman named Joe that there had been lava flow on Pacaya.(As illustrated in this video.) That our guide would have taken us anywhere we had asked him to. He had simply accomodated the lowest common denominator by approaching one of the slower tourists that had eventually given in and taken a 'taxi' up and asking him where we should go. A lesson learned, when you hire a guide you can have them take you wherever you want. However, even though melting shit in lava would have been pretty fucking cool, what can beat tasking in the rain forest in an ancient Mayan Metropolis.
We trecked throught the rainforest until we came upon Grupo G. Easily iddentified, as can be seen in the map below, by the giant leopard standing behind it. A suitable place for burying evil if I ever saw one.
And as one final deterrent I picked a spot that came complete with its own guard. (Pictured slightly smaller then life size. No seriously the thing is as big as my fist!)
As for the second Section of Bandanna. We put this at the top of Templo Cinco. And then I smoked a Cuban cigar while enjoying the view of ancient skyscrapers which towered above the canopy of the rainforest.
SFØ was safe… for now.
There are many many more pictures below. Enjoy. We encountered a great many other crazy things which could not all be fit in here, such as suicide showers and amazing boat rides. Picture on the left links to my Flickr.
I set out to collect all of the pieces and ensure their destruction once and for all. But how do you destroy Evil?! It seems Kyle Hamilton might offer some insight. Surely a Volcano would be hot enough: not to mention epic enough! Now to acquire the pieces.
I knew that Eddy was in possession of one, after revealing my plans she decided to join me. I acquired another piece from an east coast player who's journey had brought them to San Francisco this summer. I could settle for destroying half of it now.
We bought two tickets to Guatemala where we planned to destroy the bandanna pieces in the lava of one of their 4 active volcanoes.
As our plane approached Guatemala City,
Volcán de Fuego and Pacaya could be made out in the distance.
After landing in Guatemala City we hired a shuttle which transported us to Antigua. I recommend getting the hell out of Guatemala city as fast as possible.
However, to be fair I feel I must mention that this was my first time out of the country and I sure did not want to be christened there.
A few things I noticed right away about Guatemala is, its a lot different there. First of all, emissions laws… nope… don't have 'em. My eyes literally burned after being in that city for… ehh… 5 minutes.
Second of all, driving regulations… ehh seen as more of a suggestion. In fact I am pretty sure that is how it is with all laws down there. I saw signs telling you to fasten your seat belt, but then I saw minivans so full that people stood in the open sliding door and held onto the roof as they went down the highway. There were other noticeable differences as well. For Example, drive throughs were called Auto Macs or Auto Kings and soda delivery trucks were accompanied by armed guards, with assault shotguns! But in there defence, that soda is Deliciouso! God bless cane sugar down with corn syrup.
So we headed to beautifull Antigua where we got our bearings before heading to Volcân Pacaya.
We waited in front of this church for a shuttle that would take us there.As the door to the shuttle opened a dozen boys came up with all the walking sticks they could carry shouting, "Stick!!! Stick!!! Stick!!! Cinco Quetzales!!!" We all politely refused. One especially sad looking boy approached a couple of tourist who we later became friends with and wound up bumping into in almost every town we traveled to…"Stick?"
"No Gracious."
"Es Necessario!"
This became our tagline for the trip.
Horses were offered to us as "Taxis" for 75 Quetzales. As we made the steep assent they would pick on the tourist who were struggling and continually offer them taxis.
We had a crazy guide. From what I gathered our group was called Familia Pacaya. He established a whistle to keep us all together.
Oh look, san francisco is right over there!
Along the way he would point out nice spots to take pictures and tell us about the eruptions that had occurred here.
I think he is talking about two eruptions that happened and how fast the lava flows were. Apparently the first one wasn't that bad but the smoke from the second one shut down the airport in Guatemala city. At least, I think thats what he said. "Mi espaniol es muay empoco."
The rocks up there were hot as hell. I was convinced several times that my shoes were going to melt. However, even though we saw a lot of amazing things there was one thing we did not see… Get the Flash Player to see this player.
¡Adios Pacaya!
¡¿No Fucking Lava?!
You got to be kidding me! WTF!? What part of 'Active Volcano' was I miss understanding here? I did not
travel however far I traveled to fail! This ain't no FailBlog!!! What
the hell was I going to do?
Instead of destroying an SF0 artifact we had created a new one.
A New Plan Emerges
If I can't melt the pieces in lava I will bury them as deep as I can in mesoamerican history. This will be classic, no preclassic.(sorry) The next day myself and Robyn Purchase two Bus tickets to Flores, gateway to Tikal.
"Bus Station" Those old school buses are known as "Chicken Buses"
The tourist I spoke to who had ridden one said they will instill you with the fear of god; that if you aren't religious and you ride one, you will be.
We share the bus ride to Flores with some English speaking tourists. On the way up we share a bottle of cazadores we picked up at the duty free store back in L.A.
"¿What's this?" asks Frank as I pass him the flask.
"¡Es NECESSARIO!" I respond.
"No but seriously."
"Seriously."
On the way Alotta tells us how one year 40 bus drivers were killed, shot in the head through the windshield and then the buses were just left. (It was probably more like twelve over the course of two days)
Later on in our travels I came across one of the buses that a driver had been shot in. Apparently in Guatemala, just cause your windshield has a few bullet holes from when the last driver was brutely murdered doesn't necessarily mean it needs to be replaced. I mean 98% to 99% of the glass is still there.
Flores is atiny, tiny island on a lake. It is about 5 blocks wide. Very Beautiful. We get a room at Dóna Gaya Uno with two beds for $10 us dollars a night. It is quite humid here. But our hotel comes complete with hammocks on the roof and a beautiful view of the lake. The rainforest is fucking awesome. Later I came to find out from a woman named Joe that there had been lava flow on Pacaya.(As illustrated in this video.) That our guide would have taken us anywhere we had asked him to. He had simply accomodated the lowest common denominator by approaching one of the slower tourists that had eventually given in and taken a 'taxi' up and asking him where we should go. A lesson learned, when you hire a guide you can have them take you wherever you want. However, even though melting shit in lava would have been pretty fucking cool, what can beat tasking in the rain forest in an ancient Mayan Metropolis.
We trecked throught the rainforest until we came upon Grupo G. Easily iddentified, as can be seen in the map below, by the giant leopard standing behind it. A suitable place for burying evil if I ever saw one.
And as one final deterrent I picked a spot that came complete with its own guard. (Pictured slightly smaller then life size. No seriously the thing is as big as my fist!)
As for the second Section of Bandanna. We put this at the top of Templo Cinco. And then I smoked a Cuban cigar while enjoying the view of ancient skyscrapers which towered above the canopy of the rainforest.
SFØ was safe… for now.
There are many many more pictures below. Enjoy. We encountered a great many other crazy things which could not all be fit in here, such as suicide showers and amazing boat rides. Picture on the left links to my Flickr.
31 vote(s)
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shplank18 comment(s)
posted by Waldo Cheerio on August 24th, 2008 10:40 PM
Why don't you think the bandanna shards are still safely entombed in stone?
posted by Ben Yamiin on August 24th, 2008 10:58 PM
actually, he may not have been attempting to simplify his Spanish. He's probably a native speaker of a Mayan language, and his Spanish probably just wasn't perfect.
Mayan languages don't have articles (el, la, etc.), so he may have had trouble with their use (think about how some Russians speak English for a similar example).
posted by susy derkins on August 25th, 2008 12:20 AM
Considering how pristine the site looks, my guess is that bandanna shards have already met the trash removal brigades. I mean, that hole is perfect for leaving behind your empty water bottle...
And, Strum, hmm, maybe, but barbecue de arboles is certainly not Mayan.
posted by Ben Yamiin on August 25th, 2008 3:24 AM
well, the barbecue bit was probably an attempt to get a chuckle out of the foreigners, but the grammatical differences from standard Spanish are much much more likely to be from the influence of his native tongue. Generally, when a person attempts to simplify their speech for the purpose of easing comprehension by L2 speakers, lexical and structural simplification is used, but the speaker would not use ungrammatical sentences.
posted by Blue on August 25th, 2008 11:34 AM
Unless somebody from SF0 goes down there to get them, I don't think they are going anywhere. I shoved that bandanna really far in and then put a rock in front of it.
posted by teucer on August 25th, 2008 11:52 AM
Hm. I admit I would dearly love to visit Tikal someday...
posted by teucer on August 25th, 2008 11:40 AM
Hm.
That leaves half a bandanna still out there.
posted by Burn Unit on August 26th, 2008 2:08 PM
isn't the Vixen in UKØ land right now? rumours fly...
posted by The Vixen on August 27th, 2008 4:07 PM
Yes, and I might just have it in a box right next to me...
muahahaha....
posted by Dax Tran-Caffee on August 25th, 2008 1:10 PM
I shoved that bandanna really far in and then put a rock in front of it.
Best way to vanquish evil.
posted by Dax Tran-Caffee on September 4th, 2008 6:29 AM
Vanquishing evil is nothing special these days.
What is great is that the guide is trying to talk in the kind of Spanish he thinks gringos could understand: few conjugated verbs, skip the "el", "la", "los".
That sounds about right. So?2006, lava dirección al pueblo, 550 metros en 30 h, venía lento
2006, lava direction to town, 550 meters in 30 hours, it came slow
en lugares cuando es muy inclinado es posible 5 minutos 30 metros
in places when is very steep it is possible 5 minutes 30 meters
los árboles, BBQ de árboles, finito de árboles
the trees, BBQ of trees, finito of trees
enero, febrero, agosto: 3 explosiones en el año 2000. 1998: 2 erupciones al pueblo San Francisco
January, February, August: 3 explosions in the year 2000. 1998: 2 eruptions to the San Francisco town.
This is exactly why machine translating SFØ would be ridiculous... Contextcontextcontext.
I am sure you had fun. I don´t think the bandanna pieces stayed there for long, though.