For The Win! by Cameron
June 28th, 2007 2:40 PMDear Sirs,
Whilst browsing the aisles of my local market shop, I discovered a bottle of coca-cola, 'hecho en mexico'.
I had long heard the rumor that the Mexican variety was made from delicious cane sugar, and not the inferior corn syrup that our American coke has succumbed too.
Upon tasting this South of the Border special, I must admit: The rumor is true! It is a 'trumor', to employ a portmanteau.
I must insist that you stop all production of American Coca-Cola, and alter your recipe. If not, I will be forced to continue my current trend of not drinking your cola products, and only sending money to you through you numerous subsidiaries.
Thank you, and in closing:
Don't let the Cat win.
All my best,
eb
Coke's Response:
Thank you for your comments regarding the importation of Coca-Cola from Mexico.
Our research shows that there is no perceptible difference in the taste of Coca-Cola from Mexico and Coca-Cola classic made in the U.S. Taste is a complex sense and is affected by many things, including the food you consume with the product, the size of the glass, the temperature of the beverage, and more.
We believe that the fact that Coca-Cola from Mexico being sold in the U.S. comes in a tall glass bottle may be a factor in the appeal of Coca-Cola from Mexico, versus a true difference in taste.
Regardless of where a Coca-Cola is purchased around the world, it is still the authentic, real cola taste. We thank you for enjoying Coke, and for contacting us.
Should you have additional questions or comments, please feel free to contact us again.
Bonnie
Industry and Consumer Affairs
The Coca-Cola Company
My Counter Argument
But, clearly, Bonnie of Coke, there is a difference.
The ingredients differ! This alone should have vast and far reaching consequences to the beverages palette. American coke's High Fructose Corn Syrup has a thicker, dirtier, and may I say duller taste.
Oh, the nostalgia of the bottle, surely plays a factor, but witness this scientific test!
I poured canned coke and the Magical Mystical Mexican Coke into identical paper cups, and then proffered them to friends and strangers.
Knowing only that the were different, 5 of 5 people identified the Mexican Coke, as cleaner, sweeter, and less chemical than the canned coke!
Bearing the physical evidence of the formula and the anecdotal evidence of my scientific study, I don't believe that the difference can be described as imperceptible...
If it is as you say, only the bottle that makes the difference, then why, pray tell is American coke not sold in glass?
Yours, Verily, with cats forever
eb
Coke's Slippery Secondary Salutations
Thank you for contacting The Coca-Cola Company again. We are always grateful to hear from our loyal consumers and are glad that you took the time to share further comments about Coca-Cola from Mexico.
As a consumer-oriented Company, your feedback is extremely important to us. Although we regret that you are disappointed in the taste of Coca-Cola from your local bottler, we certainly appreciate your taking the time to express your views.
We also appreciate the delightful picture of your cat in the fridge pack box.
Again, we appreciate your loyalty and patronage. If you have additional questions or comments, please feel free to contact us again. Best wishes!
Bonnie
Industry and Consumer Affairs
The Coca-Cola Company
EB's Ebullient Entreaty
Dear Bonnie, if I may be so informal,
I thank you for you prompt return to my missive of July 3th. I see that we have tacitly agreed to not to discuss the chemistry of coke's formula, and this I understand and accept. Surely, one could not expect you to share any details of it with a lowly consumer; for all you know I am an agent of your mortal enemy, the dreaded PEPSICO. I must assure you I owe no allegiance to the Pepsico machine, indeed I disdain them and everything they stand for! Now acknowledged, let us leave that behind us.
I understand that there must be a cost benefit in the sweetener switch, the sugar swap, the carbohydrate confusion, the caloric... mix-up.
However, let me GO ON THE RECORD AS SAYING, if you offered an alternate Coke, one that cost more, but contained my beloved cane sugar, I would happily buy it! Lo, I would purchase cases fortnightly to share with my family and love ones.
To illustrate the depth of my attachment to the cane sugar coke; let me paint an image for you: I have stockpiled the Mexican Coke in my home, six cases deep. It may truly be, as you say, an entirely a placebo-like effect that I love it so, the nostalgia affecting my senses, but this placebo is a panacea!
I am afraid that the local market and soda-monger where I purchased said coke will soon run out, and I will forced into a cane-sugar-coke-less existence. Therefor I would happily pay a premium, if Coca-Cola would offer my beloved recipe once again,
Do you believe this might ever be an option?
Thank you for your patience and kind words,
yours, in cats and coke,
eb
At this point, Bonnie seems to be fed up... my last missive was a bit silly...
Thank you for contacting our website. We appreciate your interest in The Coca-Cola Company.
Your comments are appreciated and will be shared with the appropriate management.
Thank you again for the wonderful picture of your very talented cat.
If you have additional questions or comments, please visit our website again.
Bonnie
Industry and Consumer Affairs
The Coca-Cola Company
I need to bring her back in...
Oh Bonnie,
I much appreciate your passing of my ideas on to the brain trust of the Coke. Let us now abandon the sweetener debate, for I fear I may be boring you with effervescent praise of all things sucre, which is French for sugar.
It would do me well to understand fully the "New Coke" issue. I am afraid it was not taught in my history class, much to all of our detriment, and I have heard only sidelong whispers of that dark period in the past.
If there were some short history pamphlet or reader or syllabus that you could impart onto me, I would be a most attentive student!
Anxiously ready to learn,
EB
(this, I must confess, is NOT my cat. I could not pose them in a school room setting to my satisfaction. I must apologize.)
The Coke II Response
Thank you for contacting The Coca-Cola Company. We appreciate your interest in Coke II.
In April of 1985, we introduced a new taste for Coca-Cola. Consumers had shown a preference for this new formula in extensive test-marketing.
During the period after the introduction of the new taste of Coca-Cola, when the original taste was not on the market, consumers displayed the most phenomenal level of affection for a brand in marketing history. Responding to the deeply felt desires of our most loyal consumers, we reintroduced the original formula as Coca-Cola classic. This original formula quickly regained its number one position in the marketplace.
Unfortunately, Coke II is not being distributed nationwide, and in fact, we have ended our marketing of the brand. It didn't meet our sales expectations.
We hope this information is helpful. Should you have additional questions or comments, please feel free to contact us again.
Bonnie
Industry and Consumer Affairs
The Coca-Cola Company
EB's Response and Plea
Bonnie, you are veritable fount of information, and I thank you for you illumination on the strange period in the history of carbonated beverages.
Let me say, I believe it was very brave of your organization to launch this bold endeavor, and I hope you were not too discouraged by failure!
Is there any plans ever to release Coke II, without removing Coke I for the shelves? I myself was not even remotely born at the time of Coke II's launching and unfortunate failure, but I would greatly like to taste it!
If there are no plans to reintroduce it, do you think it would be safe to purchase a can online, perhaps through an auction such as Coke II? At what age does a can of Coke II, or Coke I become undrinkable?
I believe that if you were brave enough to make it, then I should find the courage to try it!
My very super best,
EB
Bonnie's Brief Dismissal
Thank you for contacting The Coca-Cola Company again.. We appreciate your interest in our brands.
We regret to inform you that Coke II was discontinued shortly after it was created in 1985. There is no more product available for purchase, nor do the bottlers have any on hand.
Please be assured that your comments are important to us and will be shared with the appropriate management here at our corporate headquarters. Your loyalty to our brands is certainly appreciated. We hope this information is helpful.
Bonnie
Industry and Consumer Affairs
The Coca-Cola Company
The Long Goodbye
Gutentag Bonnie!
It has been far too long since my last missive; I am positively filled to the brim with updates of all things Coke, Coke-related, and not so Coke related.
First of all, I have moved to Germany! Es ist zutreffend! (that's "it is true!", auf Deutsch, which means "In German")
I won a contest put on by my local hardware store to win one round trip to Germany, and was so enraptured by the "Schönheit von Deutschland" (that's "the beauthy of Germany", auf Deutsch!) that I promptly sold return ticket, had my landlord sell all my belongings, and had my beloved cats sent to me by courier.
I have since found that there is a strong need for a cat obedience school in Germany, and my uniques skills are always in demand. I have just moved into a lovely two bedroom town house in Berlin, and I am settling in nicely.
Most importantly, as I am sure that your eyes glaze over when I don't talk of Coke; the Coke in Germany ist wunderbar! (that's "wonderrful", auf Deutsch!).
It is made with pure sugar, not corn syrup. I hope I don't offend you Bonnie when I say, I still reject your original thesis: Coke made with sugar, will always be besser (that's "better", auf Deutsch!). But let us leave that argument in the past where it truly belongs.
I think I have truly had all my Coke and Coke related questions answered. I have enjoyed sehr viel (that's "very much", auf Deutsch!) our correspondence, and I wish you all the best in the world in all your future endeavors. And if you are ever in Deutschland (that's "Germany" in German!) you should feel free to email me, and I will buy you a bier! (that's "beer", auf Deutsch!)
Auf Wiedersehen, Bonnie! (that's "goodbye", auf Deutsch!)
eb
(attached is a picture of me with a pretzel in Berlin. Pretzels go very well with Coke!)
Coke Kitty.JPG
Yes, I made this in paint. Bugger off.
email.JPG
Yes, I cheated here. Gmail does not embed. I just attached it. This mock up is for you and you alone.
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shplank, everyoneshouldsee45 comment(s)
I got a lovely Response from Bonnie at Coke.
I'm going to maintain this conversation as long as I can.
Thank you for fighting the good fight: we cannot allow them to infiltrate and pollute our precious bodily fluids with their syrups.
I hope they reply again.
I have a whole character in my head for "EB", the coke complainer. He's wearing a top hat and a monocle and is very dapper, but he's not wearing any pants. Just boxers with hearts on them.
It continues! I'm going to keep responding every time
I am not really sure how long a sane person can keep corresponding with me... or rather with EB.
Bonnie, if you ever see this commentary, I have nothing but respect for you and hope my wee ruse brightened your day, and was not infuriating.
I may be losing her! I think I treaded to far into the absurd with the Pepsico bit. Hopefully a change of subject will draw her back in...
When I first looked at this completion before the updates, I thought it was good but didn't feel like voting for it. The fact that you kept continued correspondence and created additional pictures shows great drive for this task. Kudos!
It keeps getting better!!! I love it. Wish I could vote again lolz
Yet another response and reply!
I think if I keep changing questions, this may continue indefinitely. My only worry is running out of internet-mined cat photos...
My next tact is to start providing contradictory information. I said in this latest response that EB was not born in 1985, but I'll hint later that he is much older... I wonder if she'll call me on it....
I also really hope I can get a can of Coke II.
If it becomes necessary, I have 2 cats which will forced to pose with coke cans to keep this going
Consider yourself conscripted into the cause.
When, or if, I do decide to end this, I will end it with a picture of EB himself.
Our research shows that there is no perceptible difference in the taste of Coca-Cola from Mexico and Coca-Cola classic made in the U.S.
LIES
OMG I think Bonnie is contractually obligated to end every email…
"Should you have additional questions or comments, please feel free to contact us again."
OMG OMG…
I Googled that line with quotes and found someone else who is going FOR THE WIN!!!
Tastes do vary, and I, for one, do not taste a 'perceptable' difference from coca-cola I to coca-cola II. I think bonnie should join SF0. Perhaps you should invite her to our consumer advocacy group.
I hadn't checked back on this since it was first posted. Like K!, I didn't vote for it back then - more because of the task itself rather than this completion. But damn, Cameron! Your witty text stuck with me.
Now, seeing this correspondence, I wish I could vote twice. Great image macros!
Maybe EB should suggest to Bonnie that Original Coke (made with cocaine) would be an even bigger hit than the re-introduction of Classic Coke? "Coca-Cola did once contain an estimated nine milligrams of cocaine per glass, but in 1903 it was removed."
Last night I passed a taco truck and saw that they had glass-bottled coke. "HECHO EN MEXICO" So I bought one (and a couple of tacos) and indeed, it is REFRESCO as the bottle says, in a way that American Coke is not.
Then, serendipitously, I passed a new billboard (also in Spanish) that featured Coke in what appears to be a glass bottle (!?!?!?):
Offering only my awe and mad respect...
Amazing. Amazing.
She replied when I was at E3, but I need to formulate a response...
Coke. Very different in different places. Example: Armenian coke tastes like ass. Like pure, unadulterated ass. Georgian Coke tastes like sweet heaven. Try it some time.
I've heard the recipes reflect local tastes. If that's true, Armenians must like to taste ass in their Coke. Georgians must have more refined palates.
MMMMmmmmm unadulterated ass.
So, I'm drafting a final letter to Bonnie.
I'm thinking it's going to be somewhat sad, where EB admits that he not only has no cats, but has no interest in Coke, and was just looking for some conversation. Open to suggestions at the moment.
i think if you admit to having no interest in coke you will make poor bonnie feel like she has been duped (which of course she has, but why does she need to know that?), and make her feel like she has been wasting her time. Poor lady probaly has a really shit job, answering customer complaints all day, and your whimsicaly delightful letters were likely a bright spot in her days. i vote a feel good letter, not a downer.
No, you must keep the illusion! It would be too sad and pointless to admit you have no cats or interest in coke. Plus, a little wierd. I think you should just leave it.
I definitely want to end it with some finality, but I think you're both right; making it negative at all would sour the whole silly exchange. I'm going to end it in character, still loving cats and coke, and happy about the whole thing.
Also, good to see you both around here again.
THIS IS IT!
I have sent off the 'final' Bonnie letter. Thanks for the advice in crafting it, all.
When/if she replies, I will post it, and this task will finally be done.
...as a special DVD only bonus feature, I have attached her last reply to my Coke II query....
SOOO GENIUS!! This is one of my favorite completions ever! Glad you ended in a happy way.
Usually Bonnie responded within 24 hours... I'm a-fear-ed that last letter was a little too much...
I never knew this was a whole thing!
I thought it was just some silly thing you came up with randomly
No, it's a whole meme that I coat tailed off of.
Wikipedia!
Examples!!
What rock have you been hiding under for the last six months when the lolcats have been in ascendance?
They have the internet on computers now?
Also, they're even doing it withbabies now, too.
Bonnie is not emailing me back. Probably because I failed to ask a question.
I declare this task Finished!
holy shit lolbabies is a stroke of genius. 1000 times funnier than cats could ever be!
"we iz in ur life"
That last letter was truly a stroke of genius. Where's that darn 'vote-again' button?
also this image macro ^^^ already made it to sf0 , malaki
http://sf0.org/solanace/Glove-Slap/
I think I like the Kyle Hamilton one better :) Makes me laugh...what can I say.
Positively humorous. Great job. Bonnie has to be an alias that all of the customer service people get written back from. I'll have to check.
there's nothing left to be said. i am sure i don't need to scan through all these comments only to find that somebody has already said what i want to. so i'll just express myself the best way i know how...
kitty love. and bad spelling love. it's not the kind that annoys me, it's the kind that's cute, like a foreigner trying to speak english. you're wonderful, and you and gummy bears over there have just made my day.
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