Mission: 1 Blank White Card

This task has been assigned to the Orange Team.

The instructions begin with "Play a game of 1000 Blank White Cards." Therefore, the first step was to obtain 1000 blank white cards. Rummaging through cabinets of the Evil Human Overlord yielded a pack of 100 cards.



Orange Team had two options -- purchase additional cards or cut each card into 10 pieces.

AND, before dealing with the sadly deficient number of cards, the gummies had to determine whether the cards even qualified as blank. They were definitely white, but only blank on one side (the other side had lines on it). Did that make them blank cards, or half-blank cards? The Orange Team wasn't sure. It was a coin flip. If they still had a penny, they could have flipped it (heads=blank, tails=not blank), but they mailed their penny to Sparrows Fall, and were not sufficiently motivated to obtain another one (the Evil Human Overlord MOVED THE CHANGE JAR to prevent additional theft). The gummies decided to flip one of the cards instead.



They hurled a card off the table. It landed blank side up, which the gummies interpreted as a good sign: the card thought of itself as blank, and therefore was sufficiently blank to be used for the task.



Now the Orange Team turned their attention to turning 100 cards into 1000 cards. They opted to cut each card into 10 pieces, using the smallest pair of scissors in the house. The Orange Team was delighted that the scissors were also orange. (Gummies like things that match. It's fashionable.)



Cutting the existing cards had the added benefit of making the cards a more appropriate size for bears.



Sadly, while the gummies were pleased with the results of their labor, using scissors was way too slow. They convinced the Evil Human Overlord to loan them a paper cutter.



Things progressed much more quickly after that.



However, even with the paper cutter, it was taking too long. At this rate, the gummies would never even get to play their game. But they were reluctant to proceed without a full complement of 1000 cards. At this point, they had about 500 fully cut cards, and perhaps a hundred partially cut cards.



They convinced the Evil Human Overlord to provide 400 additional full sized cards. (Which was easy to do, because at this point the Evil Human Overlord was getting pretty bored, sitting around watching the bears cut cards into little pieces.



With 1000 blank white cards, the Orange Team was now ready to begin the game. Each gummy was dealt three blank cards to start off with.

They had five minutes to decorate their cards. The gummies refused to present the cards for photographing, insisting that only the best card should be included. The task instructions did not expressly forbid descriptions/photographs of other cards, but the Orange Team was adamant -- only 1 card would be shown. For the purposes of the praxis, they decided to allow brief descriptions of the other cards.*



Cards decorated, the Orange Team was ready to play. Bear one was left of the dealer, and went first -- playing a card that read, "Whoever plays this card wins."



The gummies paused to consider the card for a moment. It had a picture of a gummy bear on it, which they found appealing. They were intrigued by the bold strategy of Bear one. But mostly they were pissed off at such a cheap move to end the game.

They decided that the game couldn't end until everyone had at least one turn. Whether or not the first card would, in fact, win the game for Bear one remained to be seen.



Bear two went next. Bear two clearly had not understood how the game worked, and there were no instructions on the card, only a picture of a flower. The flower was poorly drawn, and rather ugly. It was decided that if the Evil Human Overlord became hungry, bear two would be sacrificed.**

Bear three played a card that read, "Whoever plays this card may claim all cards that have been played previously in the game. Don't eat me, oh Evil Overlord." The text barely fit on the card, making it hard to read and leaving no room for pictures.



Bear three collected all previously played cards, including "Whoever plays this card wins." However, it seemed unlikely that a second round would be played, given that the game had sort of ended on the first play.

Bob was next.



Bob's card read, "Whoever kills the Evil Human Overlord is the winner."



Bob was mysteriously eaten killed called away on a long business trip, never to return. His card was ripped up retired. At this point, some of the remaining players became reluctant to continue, no longer seeking the glory of victory but instead wishing to survive uneaten until the end of the game.



After consulting each other briefly, Bear five and Bear six "passed." The other bears decided to allow this, since it increased the likelihood that one of them would win.



Bear seven, the last player, played a card. It read:

"VOTE FOR THIS PRAXIS."

This was an odd strategy. Some of the bears liked the card, because it related to the overall mission, and not just the game.

Bear three disagreed, and called Bear seven a praxis whore.

Then Bear one mentioned that since the readers of the praxis were not playing the game, they would not be compelled to do as the card said. (Bear one is very clever.)

Regardless, the bears had gone one complete round, and they decided that because of Bear one's initial play, the game was now over. Bear one was declared the winner. However, the task was about the best card, not the winning card. The bears had to make a choice, and they held a vote.***

Six players remained (Bob having suddenly gone on vacation or whatever), and all of them voted.

(There are no photographs of the voting, since who voted for what is nobody's business but their own.)

The bears voted that the winning card was not the best card. Only one bear voted for "Whoever plays this card wins" (which, remember, did have a lovely picture of a gummy bear on it).

The remaining bears voted for "VOTE FOR THIS PRAXIS" (btw, have you voted yet, dear reader? The bears do so like to feel popular, and every vote counts).



Here is the winning card (photographed with magnification, since it was written with a gummy writing utensil that produces fine lines that are difficult for humans to see). Bear seven, designer of the card, stands on top of the magnifying glass, looking down at the card. Bear one, not happy with the decision, went and sulked off to one side:



*NOTE: You might wonder how gummies could demand ANYTHING from an Evil Human Overlord, but the bears are strong believers in following the spirit of the task, above and beyond the written instructions. (They also have shockingly little respect for an Evil Human Overlord who could EAT THEM AT ANY TIME.)

**NOTE: Bear two made it to the end of the task, but has not been seen since the post-completion celebratory party. The Evil Human Overlord denies all responsibility. Nom nom nom.

***NOTE: Historically, gummy disputes have been decided by deathmatch, which is in fact one of the acceptable options for this task. However, this task was undertaken mere weeks after the Great Gummy War of 405, and in respect for the fallen soldiers, the Orange Team refused to fight to the death, and instead held a vote.