PLAYERS TASKS PRAXIS TEAMS EVENTS
Username:Password:
New player? Sign Up Here
Loki
Commuter
Level 7: 2012 points
Alltime Score: 9295 points
Last Logged In: November 8th, 2021
BADGE: INTERREGNUM TEAM: MNZero TEAM: El Lay Zero TEAM: Team Shplank TEAM: BKZerØ TEAM: San Francisco Zero TEAM: N0RD TEAM: SCIENCE! TEAM: Level Zerø TEAM: Probot TEAM: INFØ TEAM: AA0 TEAM: Whimsy TEAM: Team Metafilter TEAM: Players BART Psychogeographical Association Rank 1: Commuter EquivalenZ Rank 1: User The University of Aesthematics Rank 2: Dealer Humanitarian Crisis Rank 1: Peacekeeper Biome Rank 1: Hiker Society For Nihilistic Intent And Disruptive Efforts Rank 1: Anti
highscore

retired



25 + 110 points

No Jaywalking by Loki

July 16th, 2008 3:30 AM / Location: 34.088990,-118.3210

INSTRUCTIONS: Follow the traffic signals!

Choose a neighborhood with plenty of traffic signals. Walk a path according to their desires, determined using the following rules:

- If there is one walk signal, cross the street in that direction and continue walking straight ahead until the next corner.
- If there is no walk signal, turn the corner without crossing the street, and keep walking straight ahead until the next corner.
- If there is more than one walk signal, retrace your steps to previous corners until the signals take you in a new, clear direction.
- If there are no traffic signals, cross in the direction that you are already facing and keep walking.

Continue on in this way until you either hit a dead end (i.e. you are supposed to walk straight, but there is no more road) or you find yourself back at a corner that you have already visited.

If you asked a rhinoceros to design your city, it would look a lot like Los Angeles.

While in Los Angeles for Journey, I found myself in Hollywood on a Saturday afternoon with a few hours to kill. I located the event starting line and then began to search for coffee, food, and a nice shady spot to read a book and wait out the hottest part of the day. Coffee was easy to find, as was a ham and egg torta from a Thai restaurant filled with Pacific Island artwork. Shade, however, is a technology that the people of Los Angeles have yet to master. As you might expect for an imported luxury item, those lucky few who've managed to get their hands on some tend to keep it securely locked away behind fences and high walls.

After an hour or so of undirected meandering, I realized that I should be tasking. I considered a Reverse Polarity Derive, but I had a feeling that could get ugly. Besides, it's the sort of thing best attempted with the promise of a hot shower and some relaxing music at the end of the day. While slathering on a second coat of sunscreen, I tried to reconstruct the rules for this half-remembered task. I wasn't at all confident about the no-stoplight case, but it turns out I guessed correctly.

I was careful to play fair, suppressing my natural tendency to change speed and anticipate stop light changes when approaching intersections. None the less, I couldn't have scripted a more appropriate path: after passing the local parasutro and Hollywood and Vine (as seen on television), it lead to exactly the sort of place I had been looking for, at exactly the right time.

Oh, and this task also prompted a revelation of startling elegance: the rhinocity principle. When viewed through the eyes of a rhinoceros, everything that might seem irrational or troubling about Los Angeles makes perfect sense. (I won't be discussing this point any further in this praxis, but I'm convinced it is a powerful discovery.)

Here's the map.

- smaller

I've always liked this building.

I've always liked this building.

I encountered the local parasutro near the middle of my route, rising heavenward from a sea of parking lots. (Anyone up for some socially networked, spatially transplanted, medium score tasking in the basement?)


Zap! Pow! Whiz! Bang!

Zap!  Pow!  Whiz! Bang!

I took rather a lot of exciting action shots like this. Seemed a good idea at the time, but I'll spare you the rest of them.


Signs.

Signs.

The streets in LA are quite clearly marked. (Though in some places, such as the intersection of Cahuenga and Cahuenga, which is right between the intersection of Odin and Cahuenga and the intersection of Odin and Cahuenga, the markings may not be all that helpful.)


HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

The upcase text and lack of punctuation or line spacing remind me of the rambling screeds street preachers hand out. I imagine a city hall in which wild-eyed madmen with noodles in their beards sit behind sober hardwood conference tables. "Jessie," the mayor hollers, "get me the DA's office on the phone. This man is the reborn Prince of Tyrus, and you can bet the CIA and their alien masters will be here soon."


Hotel row.

Hotel row.

For those of you unfamiliar with the area, I should probably point out that all of this takes place in Los Angeles, which is one of the larger suburbs of Los Angeles.


What's it mean?

What's it mean?

Wheat pasting celebrity madlibs?


No choice here.

No choice here.

Around the corner I go. Anyone wanna count the lanes?


Loki turns on Odin.

Loki turns on Odin.

Saved from a long trek over the Hollywood Hills by a don't walk signal that sent me off to the right.


Traversing a freeway.

Traversing a freeway.

I like tunnels. Even little bitty short ones under freeways.


Dead end?

Dead end?

Just when I thought my journey was about to end with a votive offering, the light turned and I was sent off around the corner again instead.


Business opportunity!

Business opportunity!

Oh yeah? Well, Mr. Smartypants, where do *you* turn for investment advice?


Cranes

Cranes

They seem to be building things here. Either that or it's crane fights. I always wanted to see a crane fight.


Yet another parking lot.

Yet another parking lot.

I pass a surprising number of large, empty parking lots. (Where rhinos are free to socialize and bask in the afternoon sun.)


Credit cards accepted.

Credit cards accepted.

If you find yourself high atop a barbed wire fence next to an empty lot and you don't have any cash handy, relax: they take plastic.


Humantown.

Humantown.

The lights send me from Sunset onto Gordon street, and into a really pleasant little strip of neighborhood. It's full of people in yards and patios talking to each other and doing outdoor things, pedestrians, dogs, trees. It is a good place.


The end?

The end?

I approach a street crossing that appears to dead end into a school or government building. Looks like my journey is over. . . but wait, actually the road continues through a gate and into the property. I dutifully follow.


It's like a park, but with dead people.

It's like a park, but with dead people.

Turns out it's not a school at all - it's a cemetery. I love cemeteries, and this is a pretty good one to explore. But, there's still a road to follow, so I keep going, happy at having discovered the shady public space I'd been looking for hours earlier.


My final resting place.

My final resting place.

After a brief circuit around the cemetery, my journey comes to a fitting end. And, just in time, too. Thirty seconds after the final photo is taken, I get a phone call from Lincoln who is a few blocks away planting bonus checkpoints and looking for company.



22 vote(s)



Terms

(none yet)

11 comment(s)

(no subject)
posted by zer0gee on July 16th, 2008 5:50 AM

I imagine a city hall in which wild-eyed madmen with noodles in their beards sit behind sober hardwood conference tables. "Jessie," the mayor hollers, "get me the DA's office on the phone. This man is the reborn Prince of Tyrus, and you can bet the CIA and their alien masters will be here soon."

Absolutely.

(no subject)
posted by Jellybean of Thark on July 16th, 2008 7:50 AM

Yeah, how'd you know?

(no subject)
posted by Rachel's Reflection on July 16th, 2008 6:45 AM

Hooray! Someone completed my task! I especially like the random wander through the cemetary at the end.

(no subject)
posted by Jellybean of Thark on July 16th, 2008 7:47 AM

After you see more of the crazy mad libs, they don't make more sense. He seems fairly certain that he's the father of Christina Aguilera, and Corey Feldman.

Dead people have it OK there
posted by susy derkins on July 16th, 2008 7:58 AM

Imagining rhinos beats crying. Thanks for the cold knot in my chest, "their" desires allright. I feel this will stay on the back of my mind everytime I traverse my rhinocity, must be the true-Loki-stirring-power-TM.

(no subject) +1
posted by anna one on July 16th, 2008 9:19 AM

Loki,

Would you write me a book, please? I so like to read what you write.

Thank you,

anna one

Zap! Pow! Whiz! Bang! +1
posted by Spidere on July 16th, 2008 1:16 PM

I know that during-and-after feeling.

Also, I agree with anna one. Wonderfully written.

(no subject) +2
posted by Lank on July 16th, 2008 9:22 AM

Loki meets Odin. I love it.

Oh LA, you're so silly...
posted by Minch on July 16th, 2008 12:48 PM

"If you find yourself high atop a barbed wire fence next to an empty lot and you don't have any cash handy, relax: they take plastic."

(no subject)
posted by lefthandedsnail on July 16th, 2008 4:30 PM

I thought crane fights would be awesome, too. Then I saw one. It's seriously just Ralph Machio fighting Ralph Machio. I mean, you know from the start who's going to win.

(no subject)
posted by Dela Dejavoo on July 18th, 2008 7:29 PM

rhino theory = vote