I have made an attempt with this task to satire actual campaign speeches by embedding Jerry Brown's actual acceptance speech for his gubernatorial campaign in California and even including a speech from Japan threatening to bring Godzilla down on everyone's ass.

Satire is not for everyone, so I would like you all to know a little bit about me, and what I really stand for.

I am a retired school teacher and now work as a researcher in psychology.

In fact, several of my students helped me with plasterboard to Gorleston after school, and are now taskers in SF0.



Most of my tasks, I have sought to include multiple other players, and find the more, the merrier.

I have always sought to build community, and this has included helping the homeless.

You will notice here that my homeless friend who was collecting alms was having some difficulty with his phrasing and punctuation, so I pulled over and offered to give him five dollars if he would correct his sign to reflect proper phrasing.

There was really nothing I could do with his capitalization issues since he hadn't done a practice sign in pencil -- instead of going straight to paint-pen.


In addition, I have worked to bring people together, often inviting many people to participate in joint ventures for fun. Most recently, I invited all of the SF0 community to participate in a debate -- not necessarily to diminish, demean, or smear, but to bring people together

I have sought to participate in events and meet other SF0 members because of their creativity and fun.



In addition, I have tried to make SF0 about family, building tasks where my children could participate, such as feeding them brains made of meatloaf



Or even baking them birthday weapons



I have sought to go beyond just my immediate family, and even help those who have sought to merely use me, but after a short conversation, I was able to help them with some simple advice about lifestyle change and some goals that led me on the path to yoga and self-enlightenment -- which is how I was able to get a handle on my head at such an early age.

And I have done this with my share of challenges like this fibroma that led to the scar on my hand and with this came a new opportunity--Malcolm

My platform, as senator is to have fun, be diverse in my approach, and to never offer the same approach to a task, but seek another side of my self and take the risk that it will fail miserably.

And America, isn't that what we were built upon?

Like Toy Hacking one of the few tasks I have submitted that made it and am happy to say has brought joy to the lives of others. WHICH OTHERS?

Maybe Crazy puritanical teabagging criminals who other countries couldn't get on the boat fast enough? People aren't just teabagging at policital events -- maybe it is time we took this term back and let it stand for what it really means -- and not just as Americans? No, not just as Americans, we are an international community of crazy puritanical teabagging criminal master minds and angelic do-gooders who other countries can't get on the boat fast enough -- and SF0 brings us together--often to make those boats out of carrots and string cheese and raft down the Mississippi.

I hope you have enjoyed my failures as well as my attempts at levity and humor. The following Senatorial campaign in no way represents my views other than how I feel about pajamas with pockets, godzilla, and having to drive to work.

As your senator, I cannot change these things for you, but I can dress up as Godzilla, I will continue to campaign for clothing without pockets, and I will write you notes to your employer about how you are overworked, I can recommend that your commute is too taxing on your psyche, and that you need work-at-home days.

This I can do for you.

My satirical, if not sartorial campaign.


I was thinking tonight,
I was trying to figure out that if I did announce, what the hell would I say? And so I decided to go back and read my first announcement, January 24, 1974. I was four and a half then, it was another time, I’m now a little older than that. But I talked about clean air, I talked about the energy crisis and getting new sources of energy. I talked about statewide land use planning and I talked about jobs. And I was thinking, wow, we still got a jobs problem, we got an energy problem, we have a land use problem that feeds into the energy problem, and while the air is cleaner in many respects, it’s not clean enough, or it isn’t healthy enough.

Well, I don't know if I've ever been dramatic. That would sound like a good line from a movie. But I do believe that this is a battle. I mean, look at the very people who are involved in this — they have popped up in other settings. This is a great story here for anybody willing to find it and write about it and explain it as this vast conspiracy that has been conspiring since I announced my candidacy--and I was hesitant, as this whole candidacy feels like work -- and that means special clothing and going to places where you have to commute. Do you know how bad that is?

Jobs create places you have to go, people you have to call, commuting, and even special clothing.

Like you, I like to dress in my pajamas, and not the kind with pockets. You get pajamas with pockets and the next thing you know someone has slipped some responsibility in there -- like car keys, rent checks, or maybe a dish sponge or a post it note with someone's phone number that wants you to call them. Is that what you want? Do you want to have to call someone?

This threat is nearly invisible in ordinary ways. It is a crisis of confidence. It is a crisis that strikes at the very heart and soul and spirit of our national will.

We can see this crisis in the growing doubt about the meaning of our own lives and in the loss of a unity of purpose for our nation and our commute to work. This basic erosion of our confidence in the future is threatening to destroy the social and the political fabric of America.

America is not a land in which rogue police could break down citizens' doors in midnight raids, school children be taught about evolution, writers and artists should be censored at the whim of the government, and the doors of the federal courts would be shut on the fingers of millions of citizens.

And that hurts.

And they will know it hurts, because I will be there for you to tear off their pockets and shut the doors on these sweat shops manufacturing jobs and pockets.

I am resolved that this method of consultation shall be the method adopted to deal with any other questions that may concern dilemmas, questions of moral conscience, and, or long commutes-- and we are determined to continue our efforts to remove possible sources of difference, and thus to contribute to assure the peace of all so that no one is stuck in traffic with stuff in their pockets.

This may sound like extremism, and extremism in defense of liberty is no vice… and moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue. But I have found vice in virtue and vice versa.

Kindly note that I will be going all Godzilla on your asses unless I am elected.

Do you want to be stuck in traffic going to a job? Do you want someone to slam your fingers in the door? Jobs have doors you know. You have to go to buildings, and boom, right there, a door. I can stop that.

You do not have to get out of your pajamas.

I have sought to bring better to those who have, and those who do not have. And the have-nots should have something too. Not that they don't, or won't, but I want to make sure they will. Have that is.But whatever that is, you will not need to put it in your pocket.

No one should be without what they need, what ever that need is. Because if you don't need anything, we can stop with all this commuting and clothing with pockets, and in this golden age, but I’m not going to call this the golden age because some people think I’m in the golden age, so I don’t want to get people confused.

That’s why I don’t want to talk about way back then, because there are a number of people I can see weren’t even born then, so it gets a little embarrassing and I like to pretend it was just yesterday. Because maybe you were born yesterday. And some people are still trying to get here god damn it. They are stuck in traffic and have their fingers stuck in the door or stuck in their pockets and no one can go to the future and make a time machine to fix all this so we don't have to deal with it now unless we fail to act. This isn't a friggin' metaphor people.

You have to make it easier to live closer to where you work, or better just abolish work and start thinking about the good of the planet and our children's children, and get your hands out of your pockets, and trust that the time machine will make everything better when they go to the future and fix all this shit.

You shouldn't have to go through all this unless you want to. I mean if you have a comfortable seat and the radio is on cool-- and maybe you can eat a sandwich, it can be okay, but still. Is that what you want? To make a housing cap?

Other people want to create like 50,000 jobs, but they have a housing cap – for all I know, Sierra Club probably supported that housing cap, so I want to just rub your nose in the housing cap for just a minute – the trouble with the housing cap is they want to create all these jobs.

Yeah, you'll need pockets then.

I mean this is like the anti-strategy for combating global warming because there are jobs already and it wouldn't reduce commutes -- Land use is a big deal, it’s difficult, lots to do on that. so we should be doing things on that. And who is going to sew on all those pockets? Sweatshop labor? How about the time machine? No one is talking about that but me.

Here it is:



There are people saying business knows best, but when you look at what we really have to deal with, it’s not just about economics and the market. It’s also about ecology and morality, and morality is about customs, it’s about traditions, it’s about our deepest patterns of how we all relate to one another and that can’t just be assimilated into market incentives. You need a time machine. You need to be able to go into the future and fix things, and maybe go into the past so that the future, which is now is a lot better.

I mean the market assumes honesty, you meet your promises, and also assumes there’s a framework, because things can just run off the cliff and that’s exactly what’s happening. You never know what is in people's pockets, and people that talk about jobs and the market always have pockets. What's in them, you tell me. I am not putting my hand in there . . . sounds like work and then dealing with doors. No thank you. I will wait for the time machine, which, by the way has already been here, and has fixed things but you won't know it unless I get elected.

Here's the deal:

As you add more people, you have more cars, and when you have more cars, they burn fossil fuel and what’s happening is you have cars reproducing faster than people…That’s the real challenge here, that we’re trying to get the idea out that we’re trying to save the future, and if we lose the future, we are screwed. I mean what about clock manufacturing and new years eve? What about time machines and the TV Guide. If there is no future the TV Guide will be over. I mean how will they know what is going to be on TV if there is no future? Maybe that is good because then there are less jobs, but not everyone has Tivo.

Especially if the cars keep reproducing, you can bet our commutes will get longer, and I mean we really don't have enough places to deliver all these new cars. And what if you have to commute to a friend's house to see what is on TV?

That could take forever and then you will miss your show.

Enough is enough.

Tell me what you want, and it shall be done.

Vote for me and I will make things better.

or I will go godzilla on your ass.

Also, I believe that bribery and corruption should be transparent and a natural part of our dealing when we talk about pounds of flesh, quid pro quo, and other latin sayings like Faux Paws.

I am in favor of latin sayings, and one of my favorite shows was Chico and the Man, which was second only to the Jeffersons, and third place went to Good Times. My favorite being:

1. Looooking Gooood!
---which translated means, you are attractive

2. Es not my job, man!
---which translated means, that is what someone else should do

3. watchewtalkinbout weeezie
---which translated means, can you describe that with clarity Louise

2. Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus vntosissimis exponebantur ad necem
---which translated means, In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.
4. Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
---which translated means, Let's all wear mood rings!

5. Calvo turpuis est nihil comato
---which translated means, Nothing is uglier than a bald man with hair.



I also Introduce Corruption Sunday

This tradition shall be part of my platform known as Corruption Sunday, where all double dealing will be done on Sunday, in the open, under tables, with delicious Corruption Sundays for snacks (my own recipe).



The Dressing Gown Dressing Down Debate and Egregious Exchange of Favors
I have recently challenged several SF0 senatorial campaign trail taskers to a debate live on Dressing Gown Appreciation Day to be broadcast live and then recorded for public viewing. I request that you, as the SF0 community review your questions, concerns, hopes, and dreams, and compose questions, accusations, and hyperbole for the debate.

I have challenged
PDØ Pixie
Spidere
Lincøln
Burn Unit
Hungry Dust Beard /Lank
and
DarkAardvark
GYØ Tom, GYØ Ben
Eleanorest
lowteck
p00n p00n
Cthulu Kitty
UXØ Adam
babe
roger rabbit
squibbs
flower
Rao
Dubis Axel
Blue
to debate the issues.

I challenge all candidates to a debate on Dressing Gown Appreciation Day, MAY 30TH, AT 8PM cst at

http://www.livestream.com/unoi

All debaters, in order to be bated, must send me an email address that I can give you control of a camera, which you must have connected to a computer connected to the magical interweb so that you can present your platform, answer questions, and if possible, bait other candidates into capitulation, revealing the skeletons in their closet, and/ or making them cry.

To do this you must be a master at baiting.

You may bring babies to kiss, old people to hold hands with, whatever you think you need, but be warned, I may use my time machine and go into the future to know your answers before you say them, so again, be warned.

The opportunity stands, the gauntlet has been thrown.

Stand and face the challenge fellow candidates.

SF0 awaits your day of live broadcast on Dressing Gown Appreciation Day at 8pm CST.

This broadcast will be recorded, so your absence will be noted, and supplanted by a hand puppet that will say what I think you would say behind an impressive podium.

Arrive and face the nation, or be the puppet of my choosing.

You must send me an email address to participate on camera.

http://sf0.org/brockrdubbels/I challenge all candidates to a debate on Dressing Gown Appreciation Day, MAY 30TH, AT 8PM cst at

http://www.livestream.com/unoi

All debaters, in order to be bated, must send me an email address that I can give you control of a camera so that you can present your platform, answer questions, and if possible, bait other candidates into capitulation, revealing the skeletons in their closet, and/ or crying.

To do this you must be a master at baiting.

The opportunity stands, the gauntlet has been thrown.

Stand and face the challenge fellow candidates.

SF0 awaits your day of live broadcast on Dressing Gown Appreciation Day at 8pm CST.

This broadcast will be recorded, so your absence will be noted, and supplanted by a hand puppet that will say what I think you would say behind an impressive podium.

Arrive and face the nation, or be the puppet of my choosing.

You must send me an email address to participate on camera.

http://sf0.org/brockrdubbels/