For most of my life, I struggled with my weight and subsequently my body image. I grew up in a household where I spent most of my time alone and got my nutrition from bags of Doritos and two liters of soda. One of my favorite snacks used to be a dollop of ranch dressing covered in shredded cheese. As a kid, I didn't have many friends and endured the usual teasing and taunting that overweight kids experience, although I feel it necessary to note that I did not suffer some of the indignities that others have told me about. In light of some of the things that have been shared with me, I think I may have had it lucky. From the things that I did experience I got the message and the message was that fatness was ugly and bad.

Some of my social problems were eased when I lost weight, first due to an interest in roller skating and then later due to an interest in snorting heroin (body by H). After losing interest in the former and needing to stop the latter because it was going to kill me, I again found myself fat. I was still living in that same home and it wasn't until I moved out that anyone hit home how unhealthy eating everything from a box was, so it was back to the Doritos. My style choices at that point involved a lot of ridiculously baggy clothes (I was a raver) so I was able to feel a bit more comfortable with the way I looked, but there were still moments that told me what (some) other people saw. I recall one instance in particular where I was hanging out with a group of people and most of them were coupling up in some way. In regards to me, I overheard one of the guys plead with his friend to "take one for the team". Around this same time I finally got braces, which just made things worse.

I've done Weight Watchers three times, as well as Herbalife and some other diets. I would lose the weight only to gain it right back and find myself feeling worse than I did before. It has only been in the past couple of years that I have stopped trying to be thin and instead turned my focus to being healthy and happy in my own skin. I've become a regular gym go-er as well as having been introduced to fruits and vegetables so while I am no longer what I would consider overweight or fat, I know what a negative experience being larger can be. During my times of being overweight, I had few friends and oftentimes no boyfriends whatsoever. When I was thin, I would turn into the same people who treated me awful because of my weight-calling overweight people names, making hurtful gestures, etc. I am ashamed of those times now and am thankful that I am no longer that person.

While I am not discounting that there are health conditions that can be brought about and/or exacerbated by excessive weight, I argue those problems seem to obscure the fact that people can be fat and healthy and happy. American society has come a long way but it still has even farther to go when it comes to the reconstruction of beauty and health.