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Never Moore
Level 3: 222 points
Last Logged In: November 6th, 2009
The University of Aesthematics Rank 2: Dealer Humanitarian Crisis Rank 1: Peacekeeper

25 + 86 points

Fortune Not Cookie by Never Moore

October 12th, 2009 3:19 PM

INSTRUCTIONS: Install fortunes of your devising in permanent or non-permanent media in openable structures, such that passersby will come across them.

Hellooooo there. Welcome! Welcome! To your favourite, to my favourite, to your mamma's favourite show.... Never Again! On channel 69 every week at midnight, if they ever let me on the air. This week's episode is entitled: "Never Fortunate".

First up, what is fortune to you? Some desire theirs read by women who specialize in playing with giant marbles, others wish to possess an infinite amount ( the shiny, golden coloured sort, at least), but most don't even give the topic the time of day. That all aside, most importantly, what immediately comes to Never's mind when he puts on the ol' thinking cap concerning the subject at hand? Why, sharp, pointy bits of metal. Of course.

And so, armed with only a needle, thread, scissors, brush pen, bits of paper and cloth, and a handfull of pins, my adventures did begin. The first order of business, the fortunes themselves:


A couple of examples, some shown above, some not. Most of which, you will notice are INFALLIBLE:

"If you eat Cocoa Puffs, they will be delicious".

"Pogo sticks are not your forte".

"You will wear a shirt".

"You may encounter a gaggle of geese; wear appropriate footwear".

"A transaction of some sort is in your future".

"You will, one day, lose a fight with a chimp".


Chop chop, into stereotypical fortune shape they go!


Much fun was then had rolling those suckers up around the aforementioned pins. But wait.....


Yeah yeah. Horrible humour. Sue me.


Now all that's needed is something to draw the eye. Hmmm. Something shiney, perhaps. And something to secure it to a wall or a pole or somesuch. Wait, wait... I've got it. BAM! VOILA!


And, because it wouldn't be any fun to give away EVERYTHING, I made up a special batch of fortunes only for the eyes of those who choose them, and myself. Penned upon red tinged paper, and all hinting at a price to pay before what was written came to pass..... so, of course, a disclaimer was necessary.


And here, without further commentary, some ACTION shots. Y'know. Of the sucker actually out in the real world.


- smaller

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11 comment(s)

You rule this task!
posted by Borgasm on October 12th, 2009 4:46 PM

I love it...where exactly did you hang your fortune pin-cushion? I spy amusement-park-type kiosks and a castle :D

Woo for me!
posted by Never Moore on October 12th, 2009 5:51 PM

Thank you, thank you! ^_^

My fortune-cushion was hung on a tree at this cute little area called Broadway At The Beach, here in Myrtle Beach. It's more of a shopping district than anything else, though there are a few rides and whatnot strewn about. The castle you see pieces of is actually a mini golf place. From the top of one tower, flames sporadically shoot into the air all day long, and another, a dragon pops up and talks every... half hour, I think. S'kinda neat.

(no subject)
posted by Borgasm on October 12th, 2009 7:47 PM

Awesome. Clearly this is a magical place deserving of a fortune-teller. :3

(no subject)
posted by Never Moore on October 13th, 2009 11:42 AM

I neglected to mention that you can also catch glimpses of a place called "MagiQuest" in the background there, too, speaking of magic. Hee. So yeah... it is at least slightly magical there.

(no subject)
posted by Poisøn Lake on October 12th, 2009 10:07 PM

extra points for public installation & a cheesy pun!

(no subject)
posted by Never Moore on October 13th, 2009 11:38 AM

Thank you! And if you like the cheesy puns, keep an eye on me... 'cause that is, by no means, my last, nor my cheesiest! Mwaha.

(no subject)
posted by Wolf on October 13th, 2009 12:15 AM

This fortune delivery system is genius.

(no subject)
posted by Never Moore on October 13th, 2009 11:39 AM

You flatter me, thank you!

(no subject)
posted by rongo rongo on October 13th, 2009 5:52 AM

You picked a great spot to install this. And the fortunes are hilarious.

(no subject)
posted by Never Moore on October 13th, 2009 11:40 AM

It was, unfortunately, one of the only places I could think of in my area where it might actually be appreciated. But thank 'ee!

(no subject)
posted by Ben Yamiin on October 18th, 2009 10:13 AM

This. this is good, sir.