Someone else's shoes

Dear S., I'm walking in your boots again, because I am thinking of you and it feels like I can get closer to you if I'm in your footwear. I've decided to go on a 25 mile walk. You'd have been surprised, because I used to be such a couch potato. You were more into things like contra dancing or hiking. I remember when D. told me how you two had gone hiking in this national park, and I was really glad it was you and not me!

Biodegradable letter

I guess I would never have met you except for the coincidence that D. basically dumped me to go out with you. But I think you knew that I never held that against you. I hoped we'd end up friends, you and I, but in some ways we just never clicked. You didn't get my jokes, and so we didn't hang out. But you were always really nice to me. I remember how you showed me new ways to put my hair up. And you were always cool with me & D. staying friends. I think you were a generous and confident woman.

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Maybe if you were still here, we would have more in common now. Back then, I thought of you as so much older than I was. But looking back, you weren't even 25---you got fewer years than this walk has miles.

An appropriate street for beginning a walk

It's funny how often I think of you, when we weren't very close. But you had some unique qualities. After you died, D. told me your father was hoping people would remember you. I hope that somehow you know I do remember you.

The start of a bike path

You might have liked getting a letter on seaweed paper. You had an appreciation for Asian aesthetics and unusual things.

Tapping maple sap

When I visited England, I wore your boots. They went to Stonehenge and Salisbury cathedral. But a few years ago, I decided I was enough of a grown-up that I wanted my own pair of boots that were the right size. But I've kept yours too.

Stop

You know, I have no idea if D. ever told you that he'd passed along your boots. It was January. It was snowy or wet and I only had sneakers.

Snowdrops

I'd taken the bus all day to get to your apartment after D. called to tell me things had gotten so bad that you were going to go back to your parents.

Sea creatures signs

He couldn't handle taking care of you but he also was having trouble thinking about you leaving. So I showed up to help pack up the rest of your apartment. You'd already left, and I never saw or spoke to you again.

Woodpecker

So I don't know what life was like for you, at the end. When you had that suspicious mole removed, none of us thought it would end like it did. Even when they took out the lymph node later it wasn't scary yet. But maybe you just didn't let on about being scared. I don't know.

Downed trees after a windy week

I wish we had talked more. I sometimes see something and wonder if you would have liked it, but usually I have no idea.

Special delivery - bacon and bananas

A few years ago I went to a feminist and pro-choice march in DC with my husband, and I thought about how you and D. basically fell in love at a similar march, many years ago. And when we started square dancing, I thought of you two doing contra dancing.

End of the bike path

Sometimes when I bicycle, I remember how you learned to bike as an adult, since you'd never done it when you were a kid.

Rail trail decoration

I wonder if you would have become a professor or scientist after grad school.

Winter berries

I imagine that you'd have children, but maybe not.

Passing the railway express

I don't even know if you and D. would have stayed together. In some ways, you being sick just changed the course of your relationship.

Milkweed

You were the first person I ever gave roses to, although I was sort of acting as a proxy for D. I know you liked flowers.

Passing home

When D. got married, his wedding included a moment to remember those who couldn't be there. I was thinking of you.

Ponies

Even if the two of you hadn't stayed together, I think you'd have stayed friends.

Sprinkling pieces of the letter

You missed the emergence of technology like Google, cell phones, and laptop computers.

Crossing the border

You missed the 9/11 terrorist attack and subsequent craziness.

Willows

I wish you had more time to sit with friends, sing silly songs, try new foods, and listen to the ocean. Thanks for being kind.

Modern gargoyle

I think you made a difference. Thanks for sharing your shoes with me.

Urban sunset

Thinking of you, A.

Totally inaccurate edometers