Well, the most important contemporary historical event that didn't really happen was the gulf war, of course. But that one's been talked about quite enough already.

I think if our good man Jean B. were still with us today, and he'd lived in Compton, he'd agree with me wholeheartedly that the hyperrealistic world of hip-hop is brimming with examples of events that never have taken place, nor ever will. We only have to listen under the breath of the average streetcorner rhyme spitter to hear such fabrications.

Thus, I submit to you that equally so, the feud between the coasts - however you want to deconstruct it into subfeuds, gangs and whatnot - and the subsequent murders of Pac and Biggie, were in the same way, events that never happened.

Let's look at the reasons we hold the gulf war (the first, that is) not to have happened. These points, I - II - III - IV, are loosely reconstructed from memory. One thing is true: I do admit to not owning the text (was it ever written?). So I'll try and stay on point overall, but the similarities are astounding.


I. The conflict: we can talk about who did what when, first, but...

the J.Baud basics: the U.S. of A. went after bad ol' Saddam in Iraq, and sh*t got a little bit crazy.

the Biggie/Pac basics: both sides started going after each other, escalating til everybody got all hyphy, everywhere.

Both wars were really reinforced by such a narrowly defined, binary opposition. With us or against us.


II. Was it a war at all?

J.Baud: there wasn't even a real adversary... thus, how could it have been a war?

B/Pac: why were they adversaries in the first place? and the big question is, were they ever killed?

I think this deserves further attention later, but must be mentioned to understand the conflict's roots.


III. The outcome was decided in advance.

J.Baud: The U.S. didn't have to think about whether they would win - they knew they would, and otherwise Colin Powell wouldn't have a doctrine. The terrible thing was, they were just drunk on another spectacle-victory, one that happened in 1989 in Germany.

Big/Pac: Ok, the outcome wasn't decided, but it was just set up by Suge, so he could keep on keepin on. Selling records, that is. He was drunk on the spectacle of The Chronic and Snoop was right along behind it.


IV. Was there a reason for the war to exist?

J.Baud: No, in fact it was a virtual war, with the media waging more damage than possibly was done on the ground in the Middle East.

Big/Pac: Not really. The source was selling like hotcakes (I'll admit back then we all wanted free cds from it)... and that's about where most of the war was fought. We'd see those shots on the news, but who knows what really happened. Suge did get punished later. Puff Daddy thought he won out, but Jen Lopez was the real benefactor of that. Diddy was still getting shot at later.... or was he?


Last thing I want to bring up. The (nonexistent) Gulf War, first incarnation, is without question related in some way to a more recent media obsession: Osama. And who came out of the whole mess of the 90's with guns blazin? There's only one answer: Petey Pablo. Draw your own conclusions about who exists.