Everything That Exists Is On The Internet by Jellybean of Thark
October 12th, 2007 7:48 PMNow, where was I. Ah yes...
Good evening...
You'd like to know what's not on the internet? Yes?
You'd like me to tell you?
I will not.
The proof for this task will not be found on the internet.
The proof for this task will neither be found on the computer I am using to create these words.
Now, before I am accused of playing "Dirty Pool", let me tell you that a proof does indeed exist:
It is something I can demonstrate.
It is quantifiable.
It is not on the internet.
If the above explanation does not suffice, I have crafted a short essay explaining the proof. This is on paper, written in my own hand.
Analog.
If you like, you can also call me on the telephone, and I will be happy to read it for you. I'll even put on some music on in the background and you can pretend I am Richard Kiley.
February 27, 2009
Dateline -
Somewhen, someplace, I have hidden a thing.
This is a physical thing hid in the physical world.
There are clues, but you will only find them in the physical world.
Not everything that exists is on the internet, after all.
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I'll vote when I see this thing you speak of. My proof didn't get many takers. I hope yours finds better luck.
I will vote for this upon recieving a copy of your essay sent to me via standard mail. At which point my vote and powerful voice will speak the truth of your statements to the world.
you cannot trust these people! suppose you mail them a copy of the proof and they scan it and post it? you will have failed! or if they call you on the phone--what if they use a VOIP phone??
perhaps you could get a notary public to witness the proof in question and post that notary's sealed signature.
I like the idea.
But, how do we know you're telling the truth?
I await further confirmation. (YellowBear's word would be good enough for me. Anyone who spots personally identifiable information in the praxis and offers a friendly suggestion to the player that they act to preserve their privacy, instead of immediately making a local copy of the image and silently snickering, is a man to be trusted.)
El Capitan and I are in negotiations to verify his claims. I am assured that there is a way that I find satisfactory, and look forward to reporting back to the public on this issue
I have heard the proof. I can verify his claim, but you would have to take the word of his wife. I can see where the conflict of interest might cause some to question my veracity.
But I heard the proof.
i can now vouch for the fact that it does exist AND is not on the internet
It exists!! (but not on the internet) I have seen it with my own eyes. I can assure you that Mr. Barapoca is both honest and clever, I swear on my fuzzy yellow ears. I received proof of this by standard mail this afternoon. I was so excited!!
To independently confirm, I shared the contents of the envelope with Lowteck & Bex, who can vouch for its authenticity. I wish I could reveal the specifics, but I can't because I don't want in any way to jeopardize the proof. but i can tell you he is clever and if you get a copy/reading it will make you smile.
It was also delicious.
I'll vouch that it is both real, not on the internet, and very vote-worthy!
But I'll never tell!
I have also seen this thing. And know it does not exist on the internet. At first I was afraid that I had somehow accidentally posted it on the internet years ago before I knew it was supposed to stay off of the internet. But I searched well, and realize it remains a mystery for the greedy hands of the internet.
Okay, I'm game.