GUMMY BEAR SFZEROPRACTICAL EXAM

Now there are THREE fantastic ways to experience the gummy bear SFZEROPRACTICAL exam!

(1) Just the highlights! That's right, Evil Sugar sifted through pages and pages of material to bring you only the very best, right here in the text of the praxis! With this option you'll get bananas, fire, a tribute to the Mayor of Claycord, and much, much more! And you get pictures of gummy bears NAKED! That's right, naked bears. SEXY SEXY SEXY!

If that's not enough, go for the second option:

(2) The blow-by-blow photo documentary of the SFZEROPRACTICAL exam. Every question, every photo!* Instead of simply listing the answers with the pictures, Evil Sugar will provide insightful commentary on the thought process behind the answers, as well as random gossip about the bears involved.

STILL NOT SATISFIED?? Check out the third option:

(3) Download the SFZEROPRACTICAL exam in PDF form. That's right, the entire test, just as God** intended. See the answers you won't find anywhere else! Here you'll find the gummies' responses to each of the Rules and Regulations, as well as the Modifiers. That's right, the gummies answered EVERYTHING! And you can read it all, with the accompanying photographic proof, just by downloading the PDF file.***

SFZEROPRACTICAL HIGHLIGHTS: WARM-UP

The gummies did every question in the warm-up before proceeding to the main portion of the test. To ensure that they were thoroughly warm, they used FIRE in all of the warm-up questions.

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As part of their warm-up, the gummy bears had a candlelight yoga session. Here is a picture of the gummies in their favorite pose: downward facing bear.

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Also as part of the warm-up, the gummies had to compose something short and beautiful. They composed this photograph of a gummy bear (because gummies are short and beautiful).

After completing all seven questions of the warm-up (with fire!) the gummies were very warm, almost to the point of being melty.

SFZEROPRACTICAL HIGHLIGHTS

Question 1 - Paper Life Cycle

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Evil Sugar made the bears an origami crane. "It's no good," they said, "It's way too big." The gummies were worried that a crane of that size might try to nom on them. Evil Sugar assured them that the paper crane had no mouth, and was probably vegetarian, but the bears insisted that Evil Sugar make a smaller crane.

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So Evil Sugar made the gummy bears a smaller crane. Against Evil Sugar's advice, the red gummy decided to name the little red crane "Red Bear" (gummies are not very good with names).

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The red gummy got very attached to "Red Bear." They became best friends. The red gummy even shared some frosting with the tiny paper crane. (Which is a big deal. Gummies are not known for sharing delicious frosting.)

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That night, the gummies built a blazing bonfire. They burned the big red crane.

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Then they burned Red Bear, the tiny oragami crane:

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The red gummy sat by the fire for several hours and stared at the ashen remains of his friend. Evil Sugar told the red gummy it was time to go home, but the red gummy insisted on staying by the fire. The red gummy was waiting for Red Bear to be reborn from the ashes. "No," Evil Sugar said, "You are thinking of phoenixes. Red Bear was a crane." This made the red gummy very sad.

Question #3 - The Swedish Chef

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Gummy bears, while often nommed upon, are not generally cooked.**** The red gummy, still sad about the loss of Red Bear, volunteered to be cooked in the microwave. The red gummy was tasted by two other gummy bears, and was then eaten by Evil Sugar. According to Evil Sugar, microwaved gummy bear tastes like warm cherry Jell-o.

Question #7 - Be Evil

WARNING: THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION CONTAINS IMAGES THAT ARE GRAPHIC AND DISTURBING. NO ONE SHOULD READ THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION, BUT THE GUMMIES ASK IN PARTICULAR THAT THEIR BELOVED MINCH AVOID READING THIS, AS SHE WOULD UNDOUBTEDLY FIND IT HIGHLY UPSETTING.

The gummies decided that they would complete every question on the exam, regardless of the cost. To ensure that an entire team was present, Evil Sugar obtained a fresh regiment of gummy bears. They were sorted into teams. As often happens, the White Team was the smallest, and they were therefore selected to be nommed.

The pictures of this horrible atrocity speak for themselves.

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EVIL SUGAR AND THE GUMMIES OF THE RED, ORANGE, YELLOW, AND GREEN TEAMS ARE VERY SORRY. THEY APOLOGIZE TO THE WHITE TEAM FOR NOMMING ON THEM, AND THEY ALSO APOLOGIZE TO ANYONE WHO READ THIS SECTION OF THE EXAM AND FOUND IT UPSETTING.

Question #11 - Spec-tape-ular

When the gummies saw this question, they knew what they had to do. They would tape a member of the Yellow Team to a fire hydrant as a tribute to the Mayor of Claycord:

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Question #20 - Obviousness

The gummies knew what to do! They answered this question with pictures of bananas, just for Oswald!

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This concludes the highlight reel of the gummy bear SFZEROPRACTICAL exam. Remember, these highlights barely scratch the surface, the PDF version of the exam has MUCH MUCH MORE.

Also, don't forget to click through the images below to see images from all the questions not included in the highlights! Plus, you also get Evil Sugar's witty and insightful commentary on the making of the SFZEROPRACTICAL exam.



* NOTE: The claim that all photos have been included has not been verified by the SFZEROPRACTICAL examination board, the Food and Drug Administration, or the Mayor of Claycord. Until such verification occurs, it is probably safe to assume that the claim (and all other claims) are false.

** NOTE: "The entire test as God intended" is true only for values of God equal to Harry, Tom, or Oswald.

*** NOTE: PDF file requires Acrobat Reader, or some equivalent program that can read PDF files. But you knew that already, didn't you?

**** NOTE: Oddly enough, this is not the only instance of gummy cooking that occurred for the SFZEROPRACTICAL exam. Lincoln cooked an entire team of bears.