Universal Declaration of Human Rights. by relet 裁判長
January 30th, 2010 7:01 AM / Location: 52.524908,13.313484But let me start at the beginning and everything else follow. When I had a first glance at this task, it looked a bit dull. Working in a large, but open-minded and international company, I doubt anyone would mind anything like this to be put up. And with our tea kitchen in the derelict state it is, I doubt anyone would notice. Derelict not in the sense of shabby, but in the sense of people would only go there if they needed water, or tea, or if they had lost their cup.
So yes, this place needed a bit of a shaking. And a declaration of human rights needs a bit of attention. How could this possibly be done?
THIS IS A GOOD MOMENT TO SWITCH TO READING THE SUBTITLES OF THE IMAGES
Unless you are the kind of person that always reads the spoilers first.
I have come up with the Universal Declaration of Tea Kitchen Rights. Or something along these lines. I have cut up the declaration, and glued each of the -slightly modified- articles in a place, where they might stop a mindless waterfetcher or cupborrower in his tracks. He might smile. He might think "Hey, I know that text. What was the original wording again? Maybe the other bits of paper here in the room will give me a clue..."
It was a bit of a challenge to distribute the full 30 articles in a small room without being too noticeable at the first glance, but I think I have managed. I started on a Thursday, with the first nine articles. It turned out that the tea kitchen was more frequented than I had imagined. The tenth article followed on Friday, where I got caught red-handed. I said hi, filled my cup with water and left the room. I'm not sure if the person noticed the scissors and tape on the table, or the bits of paper in the room. Now, I have returned on a Saturday to finish this project.
I have also appended the full PDF of the declaration. Feel free to copy and modify it to your likings.
UPDATES
Day three of the installation. Nobody even mentioned that there was something unusual in the kitchen.
Almost three weeks now. No mentions.
I have left the company in March. I came to visit during end of April, and in the kitchen nothing has changed. All my colleagues have moved to a different floor, so I assume that the installation has become part of the establishment.
I will update this task whenever something interesting happens with the installation.
Preparations
Article 1
All fridge contents are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood. [on the fridge]
Article 2
Everyone is entitled to all the forks and spoons set forth in this cupboard, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status. Furthermore, no distinction shall be made on the basis of the political, jurisdictional or international status of the country or territory to which a person belongs, whether it be independent, trust, non-self-governing or under any other limitation of sovereignty. [on the cutlery drawer]
Article 3
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of coffee. [coffee corner]
Articles 4 and 15
No one shall be held in slavery or servitude within the tea kitchen; slavery and the slave trade shall be restricted to the offices and meeting rooms. ...(still need to copy the wording of article 15 here) [below the sugar cupboard]
Article 5
No one shall be subjected to toxins or to cruel, inhuman or degrading smells or pungency. [on the garbage bin]
Article 6
Everyone has the right to recognition everywhere as a dishwasher before the kitchen rules. [on the dishwasher]
Article 7
All are equal before the kitchen rules and are entitled without any discrimination to an equal share of washing up. All are entitled to equal protection against any discrimination in violation of this declaration and against any incitement to such discrimination. [next to the faucets]
Article 8
Everyone has the right to an effective remedy by the competent first aid responsibles for physical conditions violating the working prerequisites granted him by institute or by law. [emergency box]
Article 9
No one shall be subjected to arbitrary mould, fouling or fermentation. [more coffee corner]
Articles 10 and 17
Everyone is entitled in full equality to a fair and public lunch by an independent and impartial cook, in the determination of his hunger and thirst and of any cravings for snacks. (1) Everyone has the right to own tableware alone as well as in association with others. (2) No one shall be arbitrarily deprived of his tableware. [next to the plates]
Article 11
(1) Everyone charged with a plate has the right to be presumed washing up until proved lazy according to the kitchen rules in a public mockery at which he has had all the sponges necessary for his defence. (2) No one shall be excused of any washing up on account of any act or omission which did not constitute a washing up, under national or international law, at the time when it was committed. Nor shall he be excused of doing a heavier washing up than the one that was applicable at the time the cookery was committed. [inside a cupboard]
Articles 12 and 26
No one shall be subjected to arbitrary interference with his private cup, plate, fork or spoon, nor to attacks upon his honour and reputation. Everyone has the right to clean dishes after such interference or attacks. ... [next to the cup gallery]
Articles 13, 14 and 27
(1) Everyone has the right to freedom of movement and residence within the borders of the kitchen. (2) Everyone has the right to leave the kitchen, and to return to his office. (1) Everyone has the right to seek and to enjoy in other offices asylum from persecution. (2) This right may not be invoked in the case of prosecutions genuinely arising from project duties or from acts contrary to the purposes and principles of the project manager. (1) Everyone has the right freely to participate in the cultural life of the tea kitchen, to enjoy the arts and to share in social advancement and its benefits. (2) Everyone has the right to the protection of the moral and material interests resulting from any gossip of which he is the author. [on the inside of the door]
Article 16
(1) Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to cook and to microwave a lunch. They are entitled to equal rights as to prepare food, during cooking and at its consumption. (2) Cooking shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending cooks. (3) The tea kitchen is the natural and fundamental center of society and is entitled to protection by society and the Institute. [next to the stove]
Article 18
Everyone has the right to freedom of taste, conscience and drinking habits; this right includes freedom to change his taste or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his drinking or eating habits in teaching, practice, worship and observance. [in an almost empty cupboard]
Article 19
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of hierarchy. [on the wall, next to the dying potted plant]
Article 20
(1) Everyone has the right to freedom of peaceful assembly and consumption. (2) No one may be compelled to eat a culinary creation. [on a chair]
Article 21
(1) Everyone has the right to take part in the gossip of his floor, directly or through freely chosen representatives. (2) Everyone has the right of equal access to public gossip in his kitchen. (3) The will of the people shall be the basis of the authority of gossip; this will shall be expressed in periodic and genuine mud-slingings which shall be by universal and equal suffrage and shall be held by secret gossip or by equivalent free defamation procedures. [on another chair]
Article 23
(1) Everyone has the right to coffee breaks, to free choice of their timing, to just and favourable conditions of coffee breaks and to protection against decaffeination. (2) Everyone, without any discrimination, has the right to equal time for equal breaks. (3) Everyone who works has the right to just and favourable caffeination ensuring for himself and his office an existence worthy of human dignity, and supplemented, if necessary, by other means of social protection. (4) Everyone has the right to form and to join trade unions for the protection of his interests. [in an empty drawer with a milk pot]
Article 24
Everyone has the right to their rest and leisure, including reasonable limitation of working hours and periodic holidays with pay being replaced with extra strong coffee. [on the kitchen table]
Article 25
(1) Everyone has the right to a standard of drinks adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his office, including ingredients, containers, and conservation and necessary devices, and the right to security in the event of broken or missing coffee machines, tea cookers, milk foamers, sugar, cream or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control. (2) Studentship and internships are entitled to special care and assistance. All students, whether brought up in university or technical college, shall enjoy the same social protection. [in the cutlery drawer]
Article 28
Everyone is entitled to a kitchen and office order in which the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration can be fully realized. [below the kitchen order]
Article 29
(1) Everyone has duties to the community in which alone the clean and full washing up of his dishes is possible. (2) In the exercise of his gossiping and coffee-drinking, everyone shall be subject only to such limitations as are determined by these rules solely for the purpose of securing due recognition and respect for the rights and freedoms of others and their tableware and of meeting the just requirements of morality, public order and the general welfare in a democratic office. (3) These rights and freedoms may in no case be exercised contrary to the purposes and principles of the Institute. [below the sink, actually]
Article 30
Nothing in this Declaration may be interpreted as implying for any office, group or person any right to engage in any activity or to perform any act aimed at the destruction of any of the rights and freedoms set forth herein. [inside a very dirty, long forgotten drawer]
The Universal Declaration of Tea Kitchen Rights
(c)reative (c)ommons cc-by-sa 3.0
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Samantha
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teucer
3
Professor Møbius
5
gh◌st ᵰⱥ₥ing
5
Markov Walker
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APR dreamlands
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Moist
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Casey
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Thanks for the comment and the critique. I did not realize until now that the "document how long it takes for someone to take it down" was an essential part of the task. Mostly because I did not think anyone would remove any note from anywhere in that building. I still do not expect anything serious to happen with the installation until I leave the company, even though it is more intrusive than just a note on a bulletin board.
But I promise to update when that happens. It's scheduled for end of march. And I might visit the place time and again and look after the tea kitchen.
Oh, indeed. I mean, there are occasionally tasks submitted where one failed in what they were trying to do, but usually they give it a couple of attempts before documenting the failure. Generally, all of the instructions in a task are part of the task. Again, I like your style.
I like the creativity. Even if you didn't quite meet the letter of the task, you carried the spirit of resourcefulness and open-minded craftiness.
I love your style, but I think you should have been more patient, and waited for this to actually come to fruition and fulfill the instructions.