Chapter 1: WILD YEAST LIVE TRAPS

Everything I need to capture the Wild Yeast.

Flour, water, and sugar... the traps are surprisingly easy to concoct (in retrospect, this should not have been a level 3 task). Airborn yeast spores, which can be found nearly anywhere, will supposedly fall into the traps and begin devouring the bait, fermenting it and transforming it into Starter.

After manufacture, each Wild Yeast Live Trap is sealed immediately, labeled with its future location, and stored in the cooling tank until it is ready to be dropped off.

Chapter 2: RED HEN BREAD

Enter the object of desire: this here is a fine specimen of artisan sourdough, purchased from the Red Hen bakery for an exorbitant amount of "dough."

Red Hen bread is the tastiest bread in Chicagø!

1623 N Milwaukee Ave

Red Hen Bread - location #1. A trap is set just around the corner from the front door, ready to pounce.

500 W Division Pkwy

Red Hen Bread - location #2. This trap is nestled in a dark alcove beneath the bakery's rear window, certain to tempt a wayward Red Hen Yeast.

At the designated pickup time, approximately 2 days after the drop-off, the Diversey trap is nowhere to be seen! What had happened? Had the Dept. of Homeland Security been here, or did a pack of WIld Yeast abscond with the bait AND the trap?

Fortunately, I had placed the Milwaukee trap in paper bag at the last minute before leaving the first drop-off location - and lo and behold, the trap remains... through wind, cold, dead of night, and a brief afternoon blizzard.

But have I capture any yeast? This remains to be seen... I take it home, feed it more flour & sugar, then wait and watch for activity.

After a day, the Milwaukee trap begins emitting a foul odor. I have not captured Yeast at all, but one of the billions of other species of microbe that flourish in Chicagø... So what went wrong? How could I have failed? Where was the Yeast?

Chapter 3: STALKING THE WILD YEAST

As it turns out, Red Hen Bread does not bake the bread at either of their two retail locations. The once-helpful saleswoman at 1623 Milkwaukee refuses to tell me where the bread is coming from... but with a little bit of gumshoeing, Google Maps spills the beans.

250 N Western proves to be a small, unmarked building in a shady part of town. There is no suggestion that this is a bakery at all - or even an occupied space.

But in the alley are two dumpsters. And in this one, there is BREAD.

I set a trap underneath a convenient crate, directly beneath this enormous vent, spewing hot air... which smells deliciously like baking bread. While making the drop-off, an unmarked white van pulls into a facing parking lot, and the driver bespies me poking around by the wheels of this luxury automobile (presumably the bakery manager's). I snap this picture and make a speedy getaway.

2 days later, I return to my suspicious little trap. To my surprise, it has remained... I am sure to have captured Yeast this time! I take the specimen home, feed it, and wait...

But by the end of the day, this trap too becomes foul to smell. No yeast, but colonies and colonies of common mold.

But no worries. I had the presence of mind to set a FOURTH TRAP in my own kitchen, which by now had captured a significant amount of truly Wild Yeast that had been hanging out in my very own home. At this point, I had been feeding the home-captured Yeast for two days, and had cultivated a lively, deliciously smelling Starter. Who knew it could be so easy?

Chapter 4: TAKE IT TO TASK

But the question of whether I had caught a viable baker's yeast still remains. The only way to know: bake a loaf of sourdough. This would be my first attempt ever to make bread out of dough, and I would be doing it without knowing if my yeast would even rise. But the web is a saving grace when it comes to instructions... first, I must overfeed the the Starter, which transforms it into Sponge (shown above).

After the Sponge becomes active, I must remember to set some aside to become the next batch's Starter.

Baking ingredients need to be added to the Sponge: minuscule amounts of salt, sugar, and oil - then flour is stirred slowly in until the batter becomes dough.

The dough must be kneaded by hand.

Terpsichore confirms the rich smell of Yeast.

Then comes the first rise, a moment of uncertainty: some yeasts can "double" the dough within an hour, while others can take upwards of 6 hours. How will my yeast perform? Only the poke test can determine that.

2 hours later, the poke test is successful. Punch that shit down.

Now the dough must be kneaded again. Terpsichore kneads this time.

The bread must be shaped, then baked. The oven cannot be preheated, or the yeast will be killed before the dough can rise again.

And the result? A tiny lump of bread that weighs more than when we put it in the oven. In baking terms, a Brick. But I am not deterred - everyone must bake a Brick before they can bake a Bread... sometimes several. I try again, postulating the following mistakes: 1) the Starter was not given enough time to transform into Sponge, 2) the Sponge was given too much flour, making it into a stiff putty, not a tacky dough, 3) the room was of insufficient temperature to promote proper rising, 4) the second kneading was too long, destroying the gases trapped by the first rise, 5) we completely forgot to give the loaf a second rise (!), 6) your first loaf must always be a Brick, and that's the rules.

Chapter 5: BREAD

On my second attempt, I have this. Not as fluffy as I desired, and with a very thin crust, but definitely edible. The taste is still sketchy, but that's what you get when you're using low-brow yeast.

EPILOGUE

For my victory lap, I feed my first successful loaf of bread to my coworkers. This is a big deal, as three of said coworkers are in fact breadmakers, including my mentor, Blair Thomas (not pictured), who demands to know my process. Curiously, puppets and bread baking are often linked, which is largely due to the legacy of Peter Schumann and the venerable Bread & Puppet Theater (www.breadandpuppet.com). My first loaf of Sourdough is, as it were, a significant checkpoint in my Apprenticeship at Blair Thomas & Co.

Success.

Meredith doesn't even mind the heavy taste of the Wild Yeast.

Bread.