Mission: Finger Painting

Others completed this task by painting pictures of themselves, or by painting their bodies using their fingers. This is understandable, since the instructions say "paint yourself." However, the task is called "Finger Painting Never Gets Old," which to me suggests that what should be done is to paint a finger. Yes, just one. After all, it is finger painting, not fingers painting.*

My first task was to decide which finger should be painted. I am right handed, so I wanted to choose a finger from my left hand:

The thumb was obviously ineligible, being a thumb rather than a proper finger. Looking at my remaining options, I decided to go with the finger with the most surface area -- the middle finger. This had the added bonus of me being able to flip people off with my prettily painted finger, in case anyone pissed me off.

I recruited the Yellow Team to assist in this task. Their first job was to select a nail polish color.



There was no yellow nail polish available, and the Yellow Team was pissed. What's wrong with yellow, they asked. I thought yellow nail polish would look terrible, so I wisely refrained from answering.



Eventually, they calmed down and chose a color -- blue.

The Yellow Team showed surprising skill at maneuvering the nail polish brush. With a few quick strokes, my nail was painted.

Upon completion of the fingernail painting phase of the task, I realized that if the gummies did the painting, it was a violation of the instructions for the task, which state "paint yourself." Disgusted, I dismissed the gummies, telling them to take a break and that I would call them back when it was time to clean up.

I now had to decide if it was necessary to unpaint my fingernail and start over. I decided not to start over, since the gummies had only painted the nail, and not the finger itself.

I was now ready to do the actual finger painting.

But what would I use for paint?

Paint seemed too obvious, and therefore boring. I wanted something more in keeping with my sugar sweet but evil nature. I chose frosting, the kind that comes neatly packaged in decorator tubes for more precise painting.

Having acquired the paint, I now needed to select a color. I called the gummies back, ostensibly because I valued their opinions, but really because I enjoy the power trip of bossing my minions around.



They told me to use all three colors. I think they assumed (correctly) that more colors would take longer to apply, and they wanted their break to last longer. Gummies are small, but they aren't stupid.

With all the key tactical decisions made, I set to work painting my finger. I started with red:




Then moved on to green, which turned out to be a tactical error, since it left my finger looking decidedly Christmassy:




And, finally, I added the blue:

My finger was complete! Basking in the awesome power of my sugar coated finger, I summoned the Yellow Team to clean up the mess.



The Yellow Team leader examined the blobs of frosting I'd made when testing out the decorating tubes.



Upon closer examination, the frosting was deemed edible. In fact, it turned out to be incredibly TASTY!



The Yellow Team quickly cleaned up all the stray blobs of frosting. They acquired a taste for it. They wanted more.

Then they discovered. . .my finger!

They pounced on me, attracted by the colorful and sticky sugar that adorned my finger. They devoured it, destroying my work. My finger! Destroyed! And I hadn't even had a chance to flip anyone off yet!

The gummies' unorthodox cleaning methods destroyed my lovely design, but it left my finger somewhat less than clean.



I went looking for the Yellow Team, hoping to force them to finish the job, but when I found them, they were fast asleep and totally sated, leaving me to clean up the rest of the mess on my own.

*NOTE: Actually, my initial thought was to have the gummies paint themselves. However, this plan was quickly abandoned when I realized: GUMMIES DO NOT HAVE FINGERS! This is obviously a crime against nature, and I beseech you all to write letters of complaint to your local gummy manufacturer. Gummy bears deserve fingers. Preferably with sharp pointy claws.