I listen to a lot of music. In fact, sometimes i listen to a single song so many times, i lose count of how many times i may have heard it. But i don't think i've ever done this with the song Fernando by ABBA. And i don't think i've ever heard of a man listening to Fernando consecutively 100 times in a row. an endeavor that would take 7 hours and 12 minutes, give or take a few seconds.

So why not?

A little back story, before my friend told me about this website, i had actually already begun doing this. Just because. I think this makes this game perfect for me. I didn't need a motivation to listen to Fernando times, but now that there is one, i may as well take it. It's where i derived my new moniker, Fernando Conrads.

Follows is the harrowing journal of a man who listened to the song Fernando 100 times:

Listen One of Fernando: For some reason, I decide that tonight I am going

to listen to the song "Fernando" by ABBA 100 times. This is perhaps some

genuine grasp at self actualization through ridiculous spontaneous behavior,

but it's really just so I can brag to my friend the fact I listened to

Fernando 100 times. This is somehow an accomplishment.

Listen Three: Using the calculator conveniently provided with Windows

Vista, I realize this is going to take about 7 hours and 6 minutes.

Listen Six: I sit back and genuinely listen to the song Fernando with my

eyes closed. The only thing i can think about is how I'm going to listen to

Fernando 94 more times.

Listen Seven: I look up the lyrics to Fernando.

Can you hear the drums Fernando?
I remember long ago another starry night like this
In the firelight Fernando
You were humming to yourself and softly strumming your guitar
I could hear the distant drums
And sounds of bugle calls were coming from afar

They were closer now Fernando
Every hour every minute seemed to last eternally
I was so afraid Fernando
We were young and full of life and none of us prepared to die
And I'm not ashamed to say
The roar of guns and cannons almost made me cry

There was something in the air that night
The stars were bright, Fernando
They were shining there for you and me
For liberty, Fernando
Though I never thought that we could lose
There's no regret
If I had to do the same again
I would, my friend, Fernando

Now we're old and grey Fernando
And since many years I haven't seen a rifle in your hand
Can you hear the drums Fernando?
Do you still recall the frightful night we crossed the Rio Grande?
I can see it in your eyes
How proud you were to fight for freedom in this land

Listen Eight: I read the comments to the songmeanings page on Fernando. I

learn that Fernando is "a very well written and moving song." -VardonVoo.

Also, it is about the Spanish Civil War apparently. I guess Fernando loses,

but he doesn't die, as he's old and grey by the end of the song, and has

survived the war. I guess he didn't try very hard. I make this conclusion

on my own.

Listen Nine: Still reading the comments. Someone has good news. Disco is

dead. Friscle disagrees that this is good news. I assume he is too old to

be using the internet, or that he says this ironically. I'm then reminded

that unfortunately, the internet has become saturated with thousands of

people too old to use the internet, and that this person is probably

honestly concerned with Disco's rotting corpse.

Listen Ten: I discover i have been lied to. This song has nothing to do

with the Spanish Civil War. Rather, it has everything to do with the

Mexican Revolution of 1910. Also, the band met someone named Fernando and

dedicated a song to him. Both of these statements can not be true unless

Fernando was a historian, or a timeless being who happened to enjoy disco.

Or it's possible he doesn't give a fuck with what his name is associated

with. If i were Fernando, i would make sure that the famous bands i knew

would put my name in a song that vaguely related to me, rather then one

about anything spanish or revolutionary.

Listen Eleven: Suddenly a debate about wether or not ABBA is citing the

famous river Rio Grande or simply using the spanish term for big river crops

up in the comments section. I am temporary confused and disinterested, and

check my myspace. Someone i know has made a new myspace due to the fact

that their old one has been hacked. Also, apparently someone told them

about The Dismemberment Plan, which makes me angry and somehow cheapens the

work of The Dismememberment Plan.

Listen Twelve: It's about sex.- monkeipeg. Also, someone convienetly

provides the wikipedia link to this song's history. Also, i learn that in

Australia, "ABBA-mania" reached epic proportions. Hopefully this lead to an

epic battle involving ABBA crazed Aboriginal warriors. Also, dragons.

Listen Fourteen: I decide to look for sheet music for the song Fernando by

ABBA. Before i abandon the wikipedia page on the song Fernando by ABBA,

however, i learn it was recognized as "Best Studio Recording of 1975". The

page doesn't specify by who. I assume they were afflicted with "ABBA-

mania," and i also assume this was there cause of death.

Listen Fifteen: I learn that 13 different books feature the sheet music and

guitar tab for Fernando, a song by ABBA. One is titled 101 Acoustic Hits

for Buskers. I have no idea what the fuck a busker is supposed to be.

Listen Sixteen: A busker turns out to be a street musician, which promotes

the question, would you give a street musician money if he was playing

Fernando, or would you violently harm him? Remember, there is no middle

ground on this issue, YOU CAN NOT JUST WALK AWAY.

Listen Seventeen: I decide to upload ABBA GOLD to rapidshare. I suppose

this is ok, because I just listened to the song Fernando seventeen times,

and they deserve less money from casual ABBA fans looking to find all of the

classics in the same place. It doesn't occure to me that it is my own fault

that I am approaching listen 18 of Fernando.

Listen Eighteen: It will take me about 88 minutes to upload Fernando to

rapidshare, or as i find out on my calculator, 19 or so listens of Fernando.

This song just started getting annoying.

Listen Nineteen: I assume i'm in phase two of the Fernando. The novelty of

this endevor has warn off, and I just realized how fucking retarded this

idea really is. I also realized that I AM NOT A QUITTER. Also, rapidshare

claims i have uploaded infinity kb of ABBA GOLD, which is not impossible,

but in fact awesome.

Listen Twenty: I decide to measure time in Fernandos. It takes 1.973

Fernandos for light to reach earth.

Listen Twenty Two: On the page detailing the amount of time it takes light

to reach earth in minutes (and not in Fernandos), one commenter makes an

interesting point. When we look through a telescope, we are actually

looking into the past. Everything you see is actually eight minutes old.

If you were to look at the sun through a telescope, and it were to explode,

you would not know for over eight minutes. Another commenter points out

that this would be of little concern, as after viewing the sun through a

telescope, you would be blind, and before viewing the sun through a

telescope, you would probably be retarded.

Listen Twenty Four: My friend tells me about the website sfo.com.

Listen Twenty Seven: I suddenly realize i am still listening to Fernando.

It saddens me. THis is like being trapped in a grocery store. It's making

me hungry.

Listen Twenty Eight: Now were old and grey, Fernando, sounds like, Now we

rode a grey Fernando. Which is a million times cooler of an image.

Listen Thirty Three: I suddenly realize i am listening to Fernando again.

Jesus Christ. I'm glad i started talking to Brian to distract me. This

game sounds like the best idea ever.

Listen Forty Three: As of this point, Fernando has grown old and gray forty

three times. He has wept at the sound of gun fire forty three times. He

has seen the stars. Forty. Three. Fucking. Times.

Listen Forty Four: I decide that i may as well make a fucking task out of

this, and get points. I've gotten this far, there may as well be some sort

of payoff at the end, right? Thus, i'm certain i've listened to Fernando

more times then i count, but i've never heard of anyone listening to it 100

times in a row. For the last twenty or so Fernandos, i've been

indoctrinating myself into the game.

Listen Forty Seven: This is getting exhausting. I actually just exclaimed

"oh my god." out loud. If she had to do the same again, she would my

friend, Fernando, and she's done the same again. and again. 47 fucking

times. I'm going to look for Fernando sheet music again.

Listen Forty Nine: Everytime the chorus hits at 1:31, i sigh. These are

big sighs. Let me count how many times the chorus appears in the song and

get back to you next Fernando.

Listen Fifty: I somehow became distracted with SFzero, so i'll get back to

you with a count next Fernando. Sorry. I realized however, this song is

the smoothest song in the world. Not in a good way, there is not a single

edge. Nothing pokes you. It all slides down your ears, like too much

honey. It's a song about war, and it sounds like a gathering of nymphs

singing Nujazz.

Listen Fifty One: Mother fucker. There is like a minute window to remember

to fucking count these things. I think there's three, but it seems like it

must hit once before the 1:31 mark. IT HAS TOO. I'll have all the math

next Fernando. I think the most important thing to remember here is that

it's four in the morning.

Listen Fifty Two: ALL FUCKING CONCENTRATION ON. IT'S TIME TO COUNT THE

NUMBER OF CHORUSES IN FERNANDO, AND I'M NOT GOING TO FUCK IT UP THIS TIME.

Listen Fifty Three: Jesus fucking christ. I got distracted by a clever pun

i can make on the tagline of a popular movie. AND IT'S HALFWAY THOUGH THIS

FERNANDO. two minutes until i can take another chance.

Listen Fifty Four: ONE. TWO. THREE. At this point, i have heard the

chorus 162 FUCKING TIMES.

Listen Fifty Five: It's like i'm trapped in a house of mirrors, but it's

infact a house of Fernandos. I start to forget what comes first and last in

Fernando. It's slowly becoming a godless drone. I love drone music, but

not when it takes about 240 minutes to become effective. I think my math

has been horribly off this entire time. Seven hours is 420 minutes. I'm

going to round Fernando up to four and a third minutes, as it's only four

and 17 seconds. There ends up being almost 97 Fernandos in seven hours. So

about 7 hours and 13 minutes. i was off by just a little.

Listen Fifty Six: How the fuck do pan flutes have anything to do with the

Mexican Revolution?

Listen Fifty Seven: I don't even know what to say anymore. I realized that

my parents will awake to discover that i am still awake, and i will have to

explain that i didn't sleep because i have decided to listen to the song

Fernando by ABBA 100 times. What will they say? Will they be worried?

Will they be proud? Will they sense all the homosexual undertones i just

realized exist in this act?

Listen Fifty Nine: Fernando has both drastically altered my ability to

spell correctly, and to care about that previous fact.

Listen Sixty: The last ten went by a lot faster then other intervals. The

next forty are going to be a pain in the fucking ass. It's almost five in

the morning. I'm no where near finished, and i may have to give up soon.

Listen Sixty Two: Fernando promotes creative thinking. Or maybe just

anything repeated sixty two fucking times promotes creative thinking.

Because you're mind will think of anything, ANYTHING, to get away from

FERNANDO.

Listen Sixty Four: I don't even know what to say. I have exhausted all of

the Fernando possibilities. So obviously, it's time to look for more.

Listen Sixty Seven: I feel obliged to write some more about this

Fernandosperience. One thing to note is that i've been tied to my computer

for the last 67 Fernandos. I haven't moved. At Fernando Seventy Five, i

decree i shall drink a Rockstar to pep me up for the final streach of

Mexican Civil War Reinactment Through Disco. (again, ithink i spelled

streach and Reinactment wrong. again, i don't care.)

Listen Seventy: I think i better take this Fernando party into my room

rather then end up discovered by my parents. I'll just carry my laptop

over, hopefully, the battery can last 50 seconds. Probably not.


Listen Seventy One: It is impossible to read while listening to the song

Fernando, at least when it reached this point. Your mind, while trying hard

not to focus on Fernando, won't do anything but try not to focus on

Fernando, and if you're reading a book, you're not devoting enough of your

thoughtpower to making sure you ignore the shit out of Fernando.


Listen Seventy Two: Three things: one) i wonder what listening to some

other song will feel like after this is done. Will it feel different? Will

there be no difference, and i may as well have been listening to only

Fernando all my life? What will silence sound like? 2) if i ever do this

again with some arbitrary pop song, I should take a more active role in

listening to the song. Remove all distractions, so it's just me and

Fernando alone. 3) i just became sexually aroused by the book i'm reading,

and realized the very real possiblitity that i could masturbate while

listening to Fernando tonight, which would be the most surreal/depressing

event of my life. (not really, but still)


Listen Seventy Four: My ears are starting to hurt. I don't own a pair of

perfectly comfortable earphones, i've either got massive ones apparently

used for disk jockying that don't quite fit over my ears and thus hurt the

rims, or earbuds that give me a ear pimple when worn for a long period of

time. Neither of these feels good. Coming up on my rockstar.


Listen Seventy Five: This is it. I'm in it for the rest of the way. I'm

not going to fall asleep tonight. Instead i am going to listen to Fernando

another 25 times. I have no idea what this means about me.


Listen Seventy Six: I can't help but feel i've missed some opportunity.

There must be some way in that this experience could be transendental. I

could try harder to find some deeper meaning in this. Perhaps the meaning

is, do not act on all of your impulses. Or, after your impulse has proven

to be a horrible idea, discontinue acting on it.


Listen Seventy Seven: I could walk away from this anytime i wanted. But i

won't. I'd tell you why, but I can't really think anymore. I think it has

something to do with Fernando.


Listen Seventy Eight: I guess i better try and put some meaning to the song

Fernando. The funny thing is that's the farthest from the point as

possible. To me, this song lacks any cultural meaning. I've listened to

the song alot, but never because it was on the radio, or because my friends

enjoyed it, or because it's saturated into my media intake. I listen to it

because it's a fairly good song, as far as ABBA goes, and i guess slightly

for some sort of ironic value. But there is no irony. For this to be

ironic, the meaning would have to be the opposite of what is expected. The

meaning of this event isn't the opposite of anything, because there is no

meaning. None i can see, unless ABBA decides to pipe the fuck down.


Listen Eighty: Twenty left. A little more then an hour and a half. One

movie's worth of Fernando.


Listen Eighty One: I still want to know, what does it say about me that i

decided to listen to Fernando 100 times in a row? this reminds me of

something else. I decided me and my friend need to memorize word for word

the entire script of the breakfast club. This would be useful because you

could break into spontaneous Breakfast Club reenactments and scare shitless

the last generation of movie goers. Because what would make less sense then

two teenagers suddenly breaking into spontaneous Breakfast Clubing? And i

feel compelled to do this because it doesn't make any sense.

Listen Eighty Two: It just dawned on me. I may be the first person to ever

hear Fernando one hundred times consecutively. I don't think even the

people who mixed the fucking song listened to it this many times, and

definitely not in a row. It's that shrivel of individuality Natelie

Portman looks for in Garden State. It's almost beyond certain that no other

person in the united states listened to this forgotten ABBA hit 100 times in

a row this evening but me.


Listen Eighty Three: It makes more sense now. I find this to be an

accomplishment worth bragging about because it's something no one else has

ever done. I can tell my friend "I did something you haven't." It doesn't

matter that this particular experience isn't recommendable, or that it fails

to apply to anything or be relevant in any way. It doesn't matter that no

one wants to listen to Fernando 100 times; it matters that no one will ever

listen to Fernando 100 times. It's like professional sports when you think

about it. I threw the ball in the basketball hoop more times then you did.

I managed to keep you from stealing this rubber sphere that i blew up with

air, and even threw it through a hoop suspended from a poll several feet

into the air a few times. I threw the ball in the hoop more times then you

ever will isn't much different then i listened to a shitty ABBA song

repeatedly more times then you ever will.


Listen Eighty Four: I realize my newly derived motivation for doing this is

slightly douchey. I've always hated professional athletes, so i regret

admitting to myself that i'm acting like one almost.


Listen Eight Five: Three phases: Repeated Listens of Fernando as a

metaphor for a failed relationship. 1-19 Fernandos) The novelty,

excitement, and feeling remains in a relationship, or the repeated listening

of Fernando. 20-78 Fernandos) The relationship or song Fernando becomes

noxious, repetitive and depressing, yet you are still compelled to continue.

79-Now Fernandos) You try to make sense of how out of hand your

relationship or Fernando based endevor has gotten. You try to rationalize

spending so much time with someone you begun to hate or listening to

Fernando. Maybe there is a fourth phases of acceptance. We'll see.


Listen Eighty Seven: This would not be the same if it were any other song.

Wait, nevermind. Other songs i think would be similar in my itunes folder:


Listen Eighty Nine: I can not find any. Maybe i'm not trying hard enough.


Listen Ninety: Jesus. I'm tired and almost asleep. I mentioned a chance

at acceptance. Maybe this last phrase is complete exhaustion followed by

the clearly defined end everyone saw coming.


Listen Ninety One: I can see the end. It's so close. So close in fact,

i'm considering giving up. What's the diference between one or two listens

to Fernando? the difference is EVERYTHING.


Listen Ninety Two: I'm going to listen to Hot Chip's "One Pure Thought,"

once this is over. I don't know why. Purity is needed at this point.

Purity of Fernando.


lIsten Ninety Three: Almost sinisterly, my headphones are starting to

crackle. As if the very existence of Fernando is unraveling to keep me from

reaching my goal. No Fernando, you can't escape now. I'm only 28 minutes

away from success.


Listen Ninety Four: Six more pan flute introductions. Six more times i

will hear the drums (, Fernando). Six more times the chorus will strike

with the intensity of a nerf dart at most, more similar to a light breeze.

Six more times.


Listen Ninety Five: I'm playing Mahjong to pass the final twenty minutes.

It's the longest so far. It's like the book Holes, every hole you dig is

the hardest hole, and everytime you listen to Fernando feels like the

longest time you'll ever listen to Fernando.


Listen Ninety Six: This is like a marathon where the the lead runner starts

to shit his pants 60 meters from the finish. I think i've already said

something to this effect, but this is the most peaceful war song i've ever

heard. It even goes as far to condone war while guitars appegiate war that

sounds like it has more to do with my old lesbian pot smoking neighbors

then anything violent.


Listen Ninety Seven: I almost fell asleep. Can you imagine how much that

would suck? what kind of dreams would i have? Would they involve ABBA like

some crossover movie? i fell asleep in the middle of this thought, so i

forget what i even ment. Also, my cogitative ability is decreasing. I

almost just expect this program to start talking back to me, due to being

some sort of instant messenger rather then notepad. The instant part threw

me off even more. For some reason. I just realized that makes no sense.


Listen Ninety fucking Nine: What have we learned today? I have the

potential to take this game to dizzying new degress of ridiculous life

destroying behavior.


Listen One Hundred: I thought about examining this final rundown of

Fernando extra hard, but i won't. I can't. My mind is all Fernandoed out

at this point. I think i made all the important big issue thoughts i'll

ever make on this journey 12 Fernandos ago, and my head just wants to

escape. I fleetingly consider, "why stop here? why not go to 150? 200? one

whole week of Fernando? AND ENTIRE LIFETIME OF CONTINUOUS FERNANDO?" this

frightens me that i still think this is a good idea, even for a second.



Well, i beats sleep, though.